| "Calm down. It's only ones and zeros." |
| "God is as real as I am." he assured me, and my faith was restored, for I knew Santa would never lie. |
| "I'll sleep when I'm dead." |
| "I'm away from my computer right now". Yes, the dreaded default away message, the one that doesn't tell you where I am or when I'll be back, and has the least bit of comedy... Don't you just love the element of non-comic mystery? |
| "Life is a waste of time. Time is a waste of life. So let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives!" |
| "Obstruction of justice? No sir, we prefer to think of it 'avoiding complications'." |
| "The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep." |
| "The philosophy exam was a piece of cake -- which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper." |
| %n Are you ready for the test we have today?. YOUR SCREEN NAME: "I'm ready! I pulled an all-nighter!":-) %n "You studied all night?"=-O YOUR SCREEN NAME: "Oh....You're supposed to study? |
| %n, I seriously doubt that you are the end result of millions of years of evolution, when you find a good conclusion to the mystery of evolution you can then leave a message. |
| %n..I am outside searching for your pet!...Call or leave me a message and maybe you will catch me before I catch it!!...lata! |
"A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new game. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water's edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match. Then, the paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin colony and overfly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs."
Audobon Society Magazine |
| "If I had a laptop, I'd sit under the tree in your front yard and miss you" |
| (YOUR SCHOOL'S NAME) puts the K in edukation. |
| *Outside under my blanket playing undercover agent...bbl* |
| 01001001 01100001 01101101 01101110 01101111 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 (this is binary code for the ASCII encoding "I am not here") |
| A book is a present you can open again and again. |
| A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. |
| A couple of days ago I sent a bunch of monkeys to school for me and all I got back were pages of scribbles so I have to spend a few hours doing homework. Talk to you later! |
| A couple of hours ago I sent some monkeys to do my homework but my mom found out so now I have to finish it by myself. |
| A decent pen: $2.99 Package of lined paper: $0.99 Knowing you have homework and "forgeting" about it: Priceless |
| A few weeks ago I sent a couple of monkeys to do my homework. Now my grades have improved tremendously but the monkeys have gone on strike. I'm now stuck doing my own homework and catching up on everything I missed. |
| A guy walked into a bar. He was treated for minor injuries. |
| A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why i'm not here. So leave a message. |
| A message a day, keeps me away. |
| A wise monkey never monkeys with another monkey's monkey! |
| A woman without a man is like an idiot without a piece of bread. I'm gonna go find a peice of bread. |
| a=(there's a fire drill today), b=(I live on the 10th floor); a+b=(I don't want to be here for the fire drill). |
| Alright %n I'm obviously trying to do something productive, so why are you bothering me? |
| Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. |
| Always smile even if it's a sad smile because sadder than a sad smile is the sadness of not knowing how to smile. |
| Amor vincit omnia. (Love Conquers all) |
| An "Away Message" Is considered self explanatory |
| Anyone got a hungry dog that would like my homework? |
| Anywhere but here. |
| Apparently my teachers are having a contest to see who could give out the most homework. |
| Are you a parking ticket? Because you got fine written all over you. |
| Are you a surgeon? Cause you just took my heart away. |
| Are you from Tennessee. Cause you're the only ten I see. |
| Are you my medication, cause I fell much better now that I see you. |
| Are you smart? Then call me and I'll let you do my homework. |
| Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day. |
| As long as there are (Name of Subject/Class) tests, there will be prayer in school. |
| Asking where I am or when I will be back would imply that time and space exist, a point I am not willing to concede. |
| At the beach, hanging out with people cooler than you. |
| At the jail cell they call school. |
| At the mall giving the clothes in need a home. |
| Away, that's already more information than you need to know. |
| Back to school, back to school, to prove to dad I'm not a fool. |
| Be quite brain or I will stab you with a Q-tip. Be right back |
| bearcat baseball: We are the nastiest, cockiest, and angriest group of assholes alive. We party on a Friday night then get up the next day and dominate anyone who dares to challenge us. Men want to be us, women want to sleep with us, and people from small towns across the land love us. And why? Because we do it for the kids, have been for years! (saint vincent college baseball matto) |
| Becoming a bookworm. |
| Being exposed to ultra violet radiation. |
| Being tortured by adults who watch kids suffer for entertainment. Yeah, I'm at school. |
| Beleeve it or not i am aktually at klass tyring two git meself en edumacation... lev a msage? |
| Birthday cake is the only food you can blow and spit on and everyone pushes and shoves to get some. |
| Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest! |
| Birthdays are like boogers, the more you have the harder it is to breathe. |
| Bookworming. |
| Booze is the answer. I don't remember the question. |
| BRB, I am taking care of business |
| Busy copying ethics homework. |
| Busy reading other people's away messages. |
| Carpe Diem - Seize the day |
| Carpe Noctum - Seize the night |
| Carpe Ovum - Seize the egg |
| Carpin Denium - There's a fish in my pants |
| Catching some rays. |
| Cave Canem - Beware of the dog |
| Chasing butterflies. |
| College - A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing; An institution where you learn how to use punctuation marks, but not what to put between. |
| College is about three things: homework, fun, and sleep...but you can only choose two. |
| College is great... Too bad classes get in the way. |
| College is the snooze button on the clock-radio of life. |
| College: A place to stay warm in between childhood and marriage. |
| Computer- $899 Internet Provider- $27 a month Messenger Service -free An Away Message from me - Pricless |
| CONGRADULATIONS!! (their screen name) HAD A BABY!!!! I'M AT THE BABY SHOWER, BBL |
| Credit, is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man. |
| Damn, I've fallen into the fourth dimension again. Be back later |
| De mortuis nil nisi bonum. (Say nothing but good of the dead) |
| Depression n. - Anger without enthusiasm. |
| Did I ever tell you that I loved you |
| Did it hurt when you fell from heaven, because I see an angel standing in front of me. |
| Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me? |
| Did you here the one about the person who IM'ed someone and all he got was an away message? |
| Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? |
| Do you have a band-aid? I scraped my knee while I was falling for you. |
| Do you have a map? Cause I keep getting lost in your eyes. |
| Do you know what? No I suppose you don't. I'll introduce him to you sometime when I'm bored. However, right now I'm not bored because I'm not here so leave one. |
| Do you realize that by reading this message you've just wasted 14 seconds of your life? |
| Doing homework... Please disturb. |
| Don't act like you didn't see that yellow pad next to my name |
| Don't Ask. |
| Don't be a fool, stay in school. |
| Don't judge a book by it's movie |
| Don't waste your time IMing me cause I am away. |
| Don't you feel stupid talking to a computer? |
| Don't you just hate it when you come to a sign that says: "Draw Bridge Ahead." And you don't have a pencil? |
| Due to circumstances within my control, tomorrow will be cancelled. |
| Due to recent cutbacks and until further notice, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. |
| Due to the lack of color in my skin for having been sitting at this computer for hours on end, I decided to go outside and see the sun for the first time in months. |
| Earth this is God..I want all you people gone by the end of the month, I have a buyer who is interested in the property! |
| Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway |
| Eating cake and opening presents, it doesn't get much better than this. |
| Education consists not only in answering questions, but also in questioning answers. |
| Education is what you get from reading the fine print. Experience is what you get from not reading it. |
| Either I'm not here or I'm deciding to ignore you... Let's hope I'm not here, which means you should leave a message, unless you think I'm ignoring you. In that case don't leave a message. I'll let you decide what to do. |
| Ever feel like nothing could go right for you and that you are never going to get out of a slump? The need for compainionship is strong enough to overrule any other emotion or any thought. Life seems much blacker without someone to share it with. Life continues regardless, and I abide. |
| Every cloud has a silver lining (except for the mushroom shaped ones, which have a lining of Iridium & Strontium 90). |
| Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. " |
| Every day someone has a special day, and today is mine. |
| Evolution -- life's a niche, and then you die |
| Eww... you stink I'm getting some fresh air. |
| Exercising my eyes. |
| Exploring nature. |
| Fact: Plagiarism is a major time saver. |
| Feeding my dog some homework. |
| Firefighter: At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well ...basically... your house burned even faster. |
| Flip flops Belly tops Bathing suits Good friends Summers here... Can you handle it? |
| Forgive me, dear stranger, but I have been called upon to slay the dragon known as Homework and free the land and my people of its bondage. I shall reply to your hails once my quest has been fulfilled and my foe thwarted. Farewell, good friend. |
| From ashes to ashes from dust to dust, life is too short, so party WE MUST... |
| Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view. |
| Getting a library card so I can check you out. |
| Getting some fresh air. |
| Go away, I'm gaining knowledge. |
| Go away, I'm not here. |
| Gone to something you have nothing of... Class. |
| Gone with the wind. |
| Good girls are nice, good girls are sweet, but i'm da good girl who's naughty with whip cream and ice. |
| Guess what I have a life... want to know why? Because I'm not talking to %n(Their Screen name). |
| HA HA I'm gone and you are sitting around reading away messages! |
| Hanging out with Mother Nature. |
| Hanging out with Summer be back when its Fall. |
| Happy birthday to you, you live in a shoe, you look like a sock and you smell like one too. |
| Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it? |
| Have you ever realized that when you?re in school all you want to do is count down the days until summer break but when you are finally on summer break all you want to do is count down the days until your back in school? |
| Having fun in the sun. Be back when I am covered in sunburn blisters. |
| Having no cash won't stop me from going shopping. I always carry my credit cards for backup. Leave me one! |
| He is YOUR god, they are YOUR rules, YOU burn in hell. |
| Hello %n, you have IMed (your name), I am not here to recieve your IM so if you would please leave your name, phone number, and a brief message at the end of this, I would be more than happy to get back to you. |
| Help! I'm being blinded by the sun. |
| Help, I'm buried in homework. |
| Help, I'm drowning in my sweat. |
| Help, my dog is eating my homework. |
| Help, my eyes are trapped in a book and I can't get them out. |
| Help, my grades have fallen and they can't get up. |
| Hey %n! I'm killing...I mean dealing w/ my annoying bro right now. Just hold on a sec while I "settle him down" somewhere. (u think I'm gonna let his corpse be found? hell no...I'm gonna hide it in the yard. But this is our little secret O:-) lolz) TTYL when I get back.:-P |
| Hey %n, Being the typical college student, cash gets kind of tight. I've found a solution involving a ski mask and my local bank. Don't worry my money problems will soon be over. |
| Hey guys, how is it going? sorry I'm not here, I'm out drinking beer and getting stoned, unless this is my mom, in that case I'm reading the bible, making donations to my church, praying with the homeless family at the end of the street, then running a midnight aid's marathon, Leave a message |
| Hey, guess where I'm not. |
| Hey, there's something I got to tell you. I try to compare you to other girls... but there's no comparison. |
| Hey, you're talking to an empty chair. |
| Hi %n! I'm not here right now because I am really bored! If you can cure this disease then call! (YOUR PHONE #) |
| Hi ho hi ho. Its off to school I go. I learn and play and work all day... |
| Hi there! This is just a note from me, to you, to tell you, the person reading this note, that I can't think up any more famous quotes, bizarre stories, or witty comments. |
| Hi, are you here to meet a nice man or will I do? |
| Hi, I'm busy trying to figure out what all these letters mean. |
| Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me? |
| Hi, I'm probably here, I'm just avoiding someone I don't want to talk to. Leave a message and if I don't IM you back, well, what can I say? |
| Hi... Now you say something. |
| Hitting the books... Literally. |
| hmm...I wonder what I'm doing, you tell me |
| Homework Can't live with it. Can live without it. |
| Homework, I don't like it but for some odd reason I am doing it. |
| Homework. The bane of all students at any day and age. Were it not for school, we would never have it, unless you take some work home from work and then work on it at home. But isn't that just working at home? |
| Homework: A teacher's way of saying that going to class and paying attention isn't enough. |
| Homeworking |
| Hornito 4:55 - "Young Horklonito wandered through the amazon with nothing but a dream and a pitchfork, suddenly, he saw the face of a man in the stream....as he moved in for a closer look, he fell and was eaten alive by an alligator" |
| How are you reading this, %n? I thought I blocked you! |
| How can you miss me...if I didn't go away? |
| I am a princess, I live in the clouds. If you wanna kick it with me, you better bow down, so get on your knees, and call me your highness, cuz baby believe me I'm (your city)'s finest! |
| I am a princess. I have class. Touch my crown, and I'll kick your @$$! |
| I am a slug being melted into oblivion by the salt of failure. Someone, please step on me and end my misery. |
| I am at a place that loves to torture kids. I think its called school. |
| I am away from my computer right now, so please leave your Name, Address, and Phone # and I will STALK later. |
| I am away from my computer right now. |
| I am away, so please leave a brief justification for the analogical necessity of modern's man existential dilemma and then realize that reality bites! |
| I am breathing the fresh air of the woods... Ok, I am lost in the woods. |
| I am busy, you're an idiot, have a nice day! |
| I am currently working on enhancing my knowledge so that I can transcend more preponderance over you than I do now. |
| I am doing this rare complex skill called reading. Reading is so hard and is such a work out for my eyes. Please do not disturb me for this takes my undivided attention. |
| I am hiding from my computer right now. |
| I am hitting the books. It gets the anger out. Later I might actually open them up and study them. |
| I am not here right now, but I'll be back when you sign off |
| I am not here so cry me a river, build me a bridge, and just get over it! |
| I am not here so stop writing to me, or else you will find yourself with a screen full of your own messages. |
| I am not here...what kind of loser is online at %t |
| I am not really away... the computer must be lying to you. |
| I am not using my computer right now b/c of the virus that is suppose to hit on %d(date) at %t(time) |
| I am not willing to sit in this boring house all my life, therefore I have decided to go outside and be bored. |
| I am out ripping off mattress tags at the mall |
| I am outside right now trying to escape the evil gummy bears. |
| I am outside trying to perfect the art of evenly tanning my arms... |
| I am reading, don't bother me because I don't want to lose my spot. |
| I am sleeping right now, so when I return from class I'll get back to you. |
| I am so smart s-m-e-r-t. I mean s-m-a-r-t. I better get back to my studying. |
| I am studying procrastinating...leave a message |
| I am studying, which is something that you should be doing. |
| I am working hard... or am I hardly working? |
| I can see the past, present, and future. In the past (YOUR NAME HERE) was at the computer, in the present (YOUR NAME Here) is not at the computer and in the future (YOUR NAME) will be at their computer again. |
| I can't think of a good away message. |
| I can't wait until tomorrow, because I bet that you get more and more beautiful everyday. |
| I don't care who you are, Fatso. Get the reindeer off my roof! |
| I don't study want to know why? Studying gives you knowledge, knowledge give you power, power corrupts. I don't want to be corrupt therefore I don't study |
| I don't want to waste my summer talking to you online. |
| I fell out of my chair. This might take a while! |
| I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way. |
| I found a book so I'm reading it. |
| I found out that reading books are more educational than reading away messages. |
| I got locked outside so leave a message after the doorbell... Ding dong... |
| I got lost on my way home, can I go home with you? |
| I got the away now you leave the message! |
| I had a long day opening presents and blowing out candles... I think I should get some rest. |
| I had to make like a plane and jet. |
| I have a short attention span so I can't sit at my computer too long, but I'll be right back. |
| I have been abducted by aliens, I will be returned after I have been fully probed |
| I have good and bad news for you. The bad news is that I am not here right now, but the good news is that you can leave me a message. |
| I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me? |
| I have piles of papers and books around me so I am unable to reach the keyboard. |
| I have waited all year for summer, so I'm not going to waste it on the computer. |
| I hear a cell phone ring and thought it might be mine. Then I realized that I left my cell phone in the room. "Ha" I thought, "at least you didn;t forget your wallet in the room." Then I realized that I forgot my wallet in the room. |
| I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. |
| I intend to live forever - so far, so good. |
| I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. |
| I know I said I hate reading, but it's better than talking to you. |
| I like homework. It fascinates me. I can stare at it for hours. |
| I like to think of an away message as a message when I'm away. It's a strange philosophy, but it seems to get my point across. I'm not here. |
| I lost my bookmark and I don't want to lose my place so I'll be back when I'm finished with my book. |
| I lost my number can I borrow yours. |
| I love to read. Yes I do. I love it more. Than talking to you! |
| I need something down my throat... and no it's not your tongue, sorry. |
| I needed some new clothes. The ones that I bought last week are out of style so I've gone shopping for new clothes. |
| I once had a dream that I was at school and was actually learning stuff. |
| I once thought I had mono for a whole year, It just turned out that I was REALLY bored... |
| I only know how to do things 3 ways: the WRONG way. the RIGHT way. and MY way. Which is really the WRONG way, only faster! |
| I only know of one thing hotter than the sun, you. |
| I ran out of gas. I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! It wasn't my fault, I swear to god! |
| I see stupid people reading my away message... |
| I think of class as nap time with background noise. |
| I thought the F on my paper stood for "Fantastic", my parents didn't seem to agree with me, so they're making me study now. |
| I tried so hard to watch my step, but i fell for you. |
| I tried switching to gum but I couldn't keep it lit. |
| i understand the mind of a killer....its the school thing...it causes lots and lots and lots of anger>:o |
| I was born on this day exactly (Number of Years) years ago. Congratulate me for making it this long. |
| I was here but I guess I left. |
| I was thinking about this whole away message thing. Does anyone really care where we are or what we are doing? Is it even really any of their business? Well I'm away. Lets just leave it at that. |
| I will be back when I feel like it. |
| I will be right back, maybe. |
| I will not use IM while studying. I will not use IM while studying. I will not use IM while studying. I will not use IM while studying. I will not use IM while studying. |
| I won't be back because I just got sucked in the book. |
| I would tell you where I am but I don't know myself. |
| I'd quit school but I need the sleep. |
| I'd tell you what I'm doing, but then I'd have to kill you. |
| I'll be back in 5 minutes and if I'm not... Wait longer. |
| I'll be back when I run out of pages to read. |
| I'll be right back, but if I'm not right back, I'll be back later. |
| I'll get back to you when I feel like it. |
| I'll give $5 to the first person who finds a cure for homework. |
| I'm at a store buying things I cannot afford. If the creditors call, I'm not home. If you are a creditor, that was just code for: I'm hard at work making money to pay you back. |
| I'm at prison right now. Did I say prison? I meant class. |
| I'm away from my sanity right now. Leave a message and I will get back to you after my mental break down. |
| I'm away trying to figure out what to put up for my away message. |
| I'm away... hence the "Away Message". |
| I'm bored, enlighten me and leave a message! |
| I'm busy so you're just gonna have to wait. |
| I'm busy your ugly have a nice day |
| I'm celebrating a very important person's birthday today... Mine! |
| I'm doing my homework, feel free to interrupt. |
| I'm doing something fun while you read my boring away message. |
| I'm drunk...I'm armed...I'm off my meds. You had better make your message really, really sweet. |
| I'm going to shop until I drop... or get kicked out of the mall. |
| I'm hot, wet, and wishing you were here. Actually, I'm in the shower, but I'll be back later. |
| I'm in a corner, spending some quality time with a book and a flashlight. |
| I'm in my room studying so I can shove another A in my English Professor's face. |
| I'm locked in my rubber room again. |
| I'm lost in a magical land of literature. |
| I'm making like a banana and splitting. |
| I'm never wrong. Once, I thought I was, but I was mistaken. |
| I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you. |
| I'm not here right now so leave a message. Well I might really be here but I want some messages so go ahead and leave a message. |
| I'm not here right now, but any donations to YOUR NAME's Shoppin Fund will be greatly appreciated! |
| I'm not here right now, so you have two choices. You can: A.) Leave a message B.) Don't leave a message You make the decision. It's in your hands. |
| I'm not here right now. That could only mean one thing. I'm somewhere else. |
| I'm not here so talk to yourself |
| I'm not really away right now I am just seeing how many people will leave me a message. |
| I'm off fanaticizing about %n |
| I'm off saving the world from self-destruction. Try me later. |
| I'm off to rescue all the poor unfortunate items in the mall. |
| I'm off to see the lizard, down on pascagoula run. Where Delaney talks to statues, as she dances round the pool, she chases cats through Roman runs, and stomps on big toadstools. Where their walls are built of cannon balls, their motto is don't tread on me. Where I am the pirate, and she will always be the queen- Sir Francis and Elizabeth, the best there's ever been. Surrounded by stories, surreal and sublime, I fell in love in the library, once upon a time. |
| I'm on a shopping spree with my dad's credit cards. |
| I'm out working on math problems, because I believe that 4 out of every 2 people have problems with fractions but my teacher says no. |
| I'm outside because if I were inside I'd have to talk to you. |
| I'm outside in the rain, playing keep away from the rain; it looks like I'm going to lose. |
| I'm outside on a hot date with the sun. |
| I'm physically here but not mentally so leave a message! |
| I'm playing my instrument right now! Plug your ears and leave me a message! |
| I'm putting out the fire caused by the candles on my birthday cake. |
| I'm reading a book that is more interesting than you. |
| I'm so busy doing nothing, that I can't do anything else. |
| I'm so sun burnt, that I can't type right now. |
| I'm sorry, were you talking to me? No? Well then, please start. |
| I'm starting to question this whole college thing, nobody told me that I actually have to go to class... |
| I'm studying. Don't laugh, I really am! Alright fine...your right I'm not, just don't tell my mom. |
| I'm watching a movie right now so go away before I start throwing popcorn at you |
| I'm working overtime, and not getting paid for it. It's called homework. |
| I've been temporarily distracted...be back when I lose interest! |
| I've embarked on the neverending quest to complete my homework. |
| I've given up the search for reality; now I'm just looking for a good fantasy. |
| I've gone off the deep end...be back when I feel like swimming |
| I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. |
| I've lost my mind~out to go find it |
| If a man comes up to you and asks "What's your sign," just reply "DO NOT ENTER!" |
| If a million people sat at a million typewriters for a million years, they would never be able to type enough words to describe how beautiful you are. |
| If beauty were time, you'd be eternity. |
| If college didn't cost so much money I would talk to you. |
| If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. |
| If I followed you home, would you keep me? |
| If I had a laptop, I'd sit under the tree in your front yard and miss you. |
| If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me? |
| If I seem to give a damn, please tell me. I would hate to be giving the wrong impression. |
| If I was here this message wouldn't be. |
| If I was here, this message wouldn't be up. |
| If I were here, I'd tell you where I am. But I'm not, so ask me when I return... |
| If school didn't assign homework, I'd be here talking to you...but they do, so I'm not! |
| If you can keep your head while those about you are losing theirs, have you considered becoming a guillotine operator?" |
| If you can't say anything nice, then at least have the decency to be vague. |
| If you consider reading sitting around, holding a book to your face, and moving your eyes back and forth, than I guess you could say that I'm reading... |
| If you don't leave a message I can't get back to you. |
| If you haven't figured it out already, I'm not here. |
| If you need me, I'll be in class. If you really need me, I'll still be in class. |
| If you were a booger I would pick you first. |
| If you're not wasted, the day is! |
| If you're one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you. |
| Ignorance killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. |
| Im not as think as you drunk i am. |
| In all of the world's infinite possibilities for creative and original thought, I have come up with the most ingenious away message, one to top sliced bread... I'm away from my computer right now. |
| In an ever lasting attempt to educate myself, I'm consuming piles of information. |
| In man's struggle against the world, bet on the world. |
| In Some Cultures, What I Do Is Considered Normal! |
| In the beginning there was nothing. Then God said, let there be light...There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better. |
| Is there an airport around here or is that just my heart taking off? |
| Is there something in your eye? Oh, it's just a sparkle. |
| Is your dad a baker? Cause you're a cuite-pie. |
| It has commenced...finals week is upon us in full force, seizing what sanity I have left after a menacing term. The thought of a pure, utopian society has faded while (name of your school) has captured the last breath of any rational existence and conquered our self-worth. In coming days it is likely to see a plethora of unpleasant faces staring into an oblivion that can only be experienced by the (name of your school) society. The underlying prolifigacy in which this institution so loves to put forth has taken a toll on our already feeble carcasses, in result of consuming repulsive dining hall rations. The possibility of survival is a distant notion...God help us all... |
| It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of people. |
| It's a once a year opportunity. Let me enjoy it. |
| It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs. |
| It's my birthday and I'll ignore you if I want to. |
| It's my birthday, please don't ruin it by IMing me. |
| It's okay for students to ask dumb questions; they're easier to handle than dumb mistakes. |
| It's summer, what are you doing on the computer? |
| It's that time of the year again! Schools out and summer is in. |
| It's that time of week again. I am in the shower. |
| It's time for the annual torching of the cake. |
| It?s that time of the year again! Schools out and summer is in. |
| Its %t, do you know where your kids are? |
| jeez! why do you even read these things? |
| Join the army! Travel the world, Meet interesting people, and kill them. |
| Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you. |
| Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you. |
| Just Friends phrase - I don't just want you to mourn the loss; I want to remind you of it every day. I want you to suffer. I want you to envy. I want you to die slowly, a bit at a time. And I want you to smile and thank me for it. |
| Just in case I forget to tell you on your real birthday, "Happy birthday" unless it really is your birthday today... |
| Just plea the 5th- or drink it- either way. |
| Knock knock Whose there? No-one No-one who? No seriously, no one is here so leave me a message. |
| Knock, knock. Who's there? Nobody, so leave a message! |
| Lady Astor: "Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!" Winston Churchill: "Yes, and you, Madam, are ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober." |
| Last night I lay in my bed gazing up at the stars and I wondered..."Where'd the ceiling go?!" |
| Late to bed and early to rise is unhealthy and unwise. Such is the start of my demise. I'm studying again. What a surprise! |
| Legend has it that (name of your school) uses laxatives in their food. If I haven't returned within the hour, you'll find me in the bathroom laughing in the face of diarrhea. |
| Life is like a box of hot tamalies what you do today might burn your ass tommarrow |
| Life's a beach. |
| Life's most valuable lessons are taught by the worst teachers. |
| Lost in a book with too many pages...be back in a few hours! |
| Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change. |
| Math and alcohol don't mix. Please don't drink and derive. |
| Me + Summer = Out |
| Me fail English? That's unpossible. |
| Me no here.Me go bye. Leave me message.Me reply. |
| Message Under Construction |
| Mind like a steel trap - Rusty and Illegal in 37 states. |
| Mom! Dad! Hear my cry! I'm at school and about to die! |
| Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. |
| Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy ANYTHING. |
| Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo. (Screw the customer) |
| My birthday wish: That someone would leave me a nice message. |
| My boyfriend told me to pick between him and AOL. Boy, I'm sure gonna miss him! |
| My closet needs some new companions. |
| My computer is away from me right now. |
| My first reaction when I see an old lady slip and fall on wet pavement is to laugh. But then I think What if I was an ant? And she fell on me? Then it wouldn't be quite so funny. |
| My homework is eating my dog. |
| My keyboard does coke... |
| My lawnmower is chasing me around the lawn right now. Please call 911. I'm runnin outta breath and he ain't runnin out of gas. |
| My mother told me never talk to strangers. That's why I never talk to myself anymore. |
| My mouse went crazy and erased all of my homework. |
| My name is YOUR NAME HERE and I am a shopaholic |
| My parents keep on asking me how school was... That's like asking how the drive-by shooting was... You don't care how it went, you're just glad you got out alive... |
| My philosophy is a mixture of the three famous schools -- the Cynics, the Stoics and the Epicureans - and all three can be summed up in my famous phrase, "You can't trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and there's nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink." |
| My psychic said I should try new things. So I'm reading a book. |
| My wallet needs to lose some weight. |
| naked on north campus |
| Nerds read books, stupid people read away messages; which one are you? |
| Never judge a man till you have walked a mile in his shoes, 'cuz by then, he's a mile away, you've got his shoes, and you can say whatever the hell you want to. |
| Next time you see me I'll be a year older. |
| No its not PMS, I'm just naturally b*tchy. |
| No more nagging No more chores All I do is play outdoors Party with my friends The fun will never end I'm out of school It's so cool But what a bummer It's almost the end of summer |
| Nostalgia? Revenge is a form of Nostalgia right? |
| Not here, not there, where am I? |
| Not many people know this, but last summer I worked as a bartender at the Betty Ford Clinic. |
| Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it is time to get up. |
| Now I lay me down to rest. A stack of books upon my chest. If I should die before I wake. That's one less test I have to take. |
| Now I lay me down to study and pray the lord I don't go nutty if I shall fail to learn this junk I pray the lord I will not flunk if I do don't pity me by Meghan |
| Now I lay me down to study, I pray the Lord I won't go nutty. If I should fail to learn this junk, I pray the Lord I will not flunk. But if I do, don't pitty me at all, Just lay my bones in the dorm hall. Tell my prof I did my best, Then pile my books upon my chest. |
| Once upon a time, I decided to read a book... The End. |
| One day your prince will come....mine just took a wrong turn and he's too stubborn to ask for directions! |
| One moment please... this service is temporarily unavailable. |
| One out of four people in America has a mental disease. think of your three best friends, if they are all normal, then it's YOU! be back in a bit |
| Only in america - do we put handycap parking spaces in front of skating rinks. |
| Only in america can you get a pizza to your doorstep faster than an ambulance... |
| Only in America do banks leave both doors open and chain pens to the counter. |
| Only in America do they have Braille on drive-thru ATM machines. |
| Only in America do they have signs in McDonald's in which they say "we have Braille and picture menus available." |
| Only In america...Do people order super size fries and cheese burgers and a diet coke! |
| Oroko 6:13 The day of reckoning was upon Hornito. Only an unlikely hero would emerge to save the day. And that hero was lost in the amazon with nothing but a pitchfork and a dream. |
| Out getting my summer on. |
| Out like a fat kid playing dodgeball |
| Out of my mind, be back in 5 minutes. |
| Out watching the grass grow |
| Outside getting my tan on. |
| Outside tanning, be back when I'm burnt. |
| Outside under my blanket playing undercover agent. |
| Outside, playing in the dirt. |
| Outside, playing with the squirrels. |
| Outside, stalking the neighbors. |
| Palm trees, ocean breeze. Standing by the clear blue sea. Hot air, sunkissed hair. Endless summer, take me there. |
| People always talk about what to say to break the ice when first meeting someone. Well I think thats easy. The real trick is finding the right thing to say to put the ice back up so that you never have to talk to that someone again. I think a good way to "re-freeze" the ice is something like this: You: You know what really annoys me? He/She: No? You: You |
| Playing chase with the north winds. |
| Playing with my imaginary friends outside. |
| Please do not disturb me. I am trying to ameliorate myself in some sort of mental respect. In other words I am reading a book. |
| Please leave a message and make me feel even more important than I already am. |
| Please leave a message. |
| Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us. |
| Please wait... |
| Please wait... Someone will be with you shortly... |
| Populus vult decipi. (The people want to be decived) |
| Prancing in the sun. |
| Programmer n. - An ingenious device that turns caffeine into code. |
| Putting out the fire on my Birthday Cake! |
| Reading a book. Don't be jealous, someday, you'll learn to read too. |
| Remember: 'i' before 'e', except in Budweiser. |
| Right person, wrong time! |
| Roses are Red Violets are Blue You better get typing Because I expect a message from you. |
| Roses are red, Violets are blue, Leave me a message, And I'll get back to you. |
| Save trees, boycott homework. |
| Save your typing because I'm not here. |
| School is just a place to rest in between the weekends. |
| School's out for summer... no more pencils no more books, no more teachers dirty looks. |
| School: A Place where kids go to learn stuff adults never use but say kids will need some day. |
| Screw Snapple I'm the best stuff on earth |
| Shhh! I am reading. Please do not disturb me. |
| Shhh... Don't wake me I'm studying. |
| SHHH...I'm sleeping...dreaming about...you...ah...NIGHTMARE...hurry up someone wake me up! |
| Shhhh.... I'm stalking %n(Their Screen name) right now. |
| Shoot I forgot to leave an away message! |
| Shopping really is great. You exercise your legs and your credit cards. There's no better way to spend the day. |
| Sleeping... it's what I do when I am not awake |
| Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking. |
| Snorting a few lines before bed |
| So far all I got for my birthday was this lousy away message. |
| So how do you spell school? P-R-I-S-O-N. |
| So, are you going to give me your phone number, or am I going to have to stalk you? |
| Some may call it cheating but I refer to it as creative research. |
| Some people call it a learning curve, I call it going in circles... Attempting to study. |
| Some people live life in the fast lane - I live in oncoming traffic. |
| Some people say that you are appreciated the most when you are not there. Right now I am being appreciated so leave me a message. |
| Sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for, so wait for me I will be right back. |
| Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my own dreams. |
| Somwhere, just not here. |
| Sorry %n(Their Screen name), I'm studying right now... but next time I decide to procrastinate, I'll get back to you. |
| Sorry I'm not here right now but my computer is, so you can talk to it intsted! |
| Sorry, but I am away right now. Don't get mad at me! Just think of all the times you had your stupid away message on and I wanted to talk. This is your punishment! |
| Sorry, I'm away again. Here are my answers to yesterday's messages, in order of their arrival. Yes. Maybe. At seven. You'll get it tomorrow. Creamed asparagus. Thank you. |
| Stop checking away messages. |
| Studying gives you knowledge. Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. I am learning how to be corrupt. |
| Studying. Notice how they conviently put "dying" at the end of this word? |
| Summer camps, pool parties, camping, vacations, ice cream man, amusement parks, concerts, barbeques, bon fires and friends! Life just doesn't get much better then this. |
| Summer is here, so stop reading this and go out and play. |
| Summer is the very best Lots of time to sleep and rest Having fun every day Finding an excuse to go out and play Getting sand between my toes Feeling the cool breeze as it blows Sneaking in and out of my house Being as quiet as a mouse Partying with all my friends Wishing summer would never end |
| Sun burning... I mean tanning. |
| Sun, surf, and SAND SAND SAND! Wait! No! Backup! Sun, suit, and SWIM SWIM SWIM! Yeah, that's right! |
| Taking a whiz behind the bushes. |
| Taking my rubber ducky for a walk, be back when its done going potty! |
| Talk to the message cause the face ain't home. |
| Tank Tops * Flip Flops Ice Cream * Sweet Dreams Late Nights * Water Fights A Suntan * A Game Plan Sleeping In * Sneaking Out Feet in Sand * Drink in Hand ...all I want is... *Summer* |
| Teachers have substitutes, why can't I? |
| Tech Support: "I need you to boot the computer." |
| Thank God its summer Thank God for the sun School is such a bummer So now let?s have fun |
| That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast. |
| That's it, no more free will. |
| The amount of times you check my away message each day has put me at a level of discomfort to the point to where I felt it necessary to put an e-restraining order on you. The internet police should be arriving soon to serve you with this order. |
| The best time to study is between yesterday and tommorrow. |
| The call of the wild beckons me outside. |
| The covers of this book are too far apart. |
| The difference between a lawyer and a rooster is that the rooster gets up in the morning and clucks defiance. |
| The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less. |
| The election season is officially underway, along with the traditional political food chain of information. The candidates say something, their staff explains what they meant, media pundits explain what they really meant, and the public bases its decision on the ensuing late-night talk show opening monologues. |
| The eternal conundrum of school: attending class is detrimental to my sanity, while not attending class is detrimental to my grades. |
| The famous excuse for not having homework is, "My dog ate my homework." I think, "My goat ate my homework", is a more believable excuse becuase its a widely known fact that goats eat paper. |
| The glass is neither half empty nor half full. It is twice as large as it needs to be. |
| The ice cream man is just around the corner. I have to catch him. |
| The more you learn, the more you realize how little you really know. I'm in class getting stupid. |
| The more you study, the more you learn. The more you learn the more you know. The more you know the more you forget. The more you forget the less you know. So why study? |
| The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. |
| The orange juice box said concentrate ... so I am ...nothing is happening... |
| The person who has the lowest test scores on Monday had the best weekend |
| The rain, it raineth on the Just and the Unjust fella. But chiefly on the Just because the Unjust steals the Just's umbrella. |
| The shortest distance between two points is under construction. |
| The thing I love about the ATM is that everyone's a winner. Unless you're broke and don't realize it. Then you feel like a real loser. |
| The tree outside looks lonely, I'm going outside to give it a hug. |
| the voices in my head are talking again! |
| There are plenty of fish in the sea, but who the hell would go out with a fish? |
| There is nothing I would rather be doing right now than writing this paper... Oh wait, yes there is. |
| They say finding a needle in a hay stack is hard. I think finding a needle in a bunch of nails is harder. |
| They say I have A.D.D. they just don't understand... Oh look a squirrel! |
| This away message will provide you with no entertainment, nor information as to where I am. |
| Times never wasted when your wasted all the time. |
| To do my homework, I must sit. If I do not finish I will throw a fit. When my teacher hands out an assignment, I shed a tear. Not getting it done is my biggest fear. Heck, just give me call. Screw homework, let's go to the mall. |
| To steal ideas from one person, would be plagiarism, to steal ideas from many is called research. |
| Today is my birthday. The only reason I'm telling you is so you send me a present. |
| Today is my favorite holiday. Yup, you guessed it, its my birthday! |
| Today is the most important day of the year... My birthday! |
| Today's word of the day is legs. Let's go back to my place and spread the word. |
| Tonight's weather, dark, continuing mostly dark tonight, leading to widely scattered areas of light in the morning. |
| Too late, I'm gone. |
| Too lazy to sign off. |
| Too lazy to type. |
| Trying to do my homework, I haven't started it yet, note that the keyword is "trying". |
| Twas' the night I was babysitting, and all through the house, the kids ran around crazy, and then killed the pet mouse. I can't talk right now for fear of a fire, but leave me a message. ( I'm not up for hire.) |
| We have more to fear from the bungling of the incompetent than from the machinations of the wicked. |
| Well well well! It's about time you IM'ed me, but now I'm away from the computer, and it's too late! |
| What a coincidence, at this very moment I am reading and so are you. |
| What do summer and I have in common? We're both hot! |
| What do you do when you're the only monkey on Earth with a cell phone? Call humans and speak monkey language? Poor, sad, alienated monkey. I weep for you. |
| What kind of s/n is %n? |
| When I saw you the first time I thought you were an angel missing your wings. |
| When life gives you a lemon, say 'Lemons? I like lemons. What else have you got?' |
| When you check out, if spent shell casings aren't littered around your feet, you didn't check out right. |
| When you're run down the best thing to take is the license number. |
| Whenever you eliminate the inedible, whatever remains, however unpalatable, must be food. |
| Whenever you get a bad grade on a report card, show it to your mom or dad when they are on a long distance phone call. |
| Where I go I just don't know. |
| Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out!" ? |
| Whoever said money couldn't buy happiness has been shopping at the wrong malls. |
| Whoever said sunshine makes you happy must have never danced in the rain. |
| Why do I need to tell you where I am? |
| Woman and God are intoxicants enough without the hard stuff. Of Course, Woman and God are usually the reason we resort to the hard stuff. |
| Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together? |
| Wouldn't you like to know? |
| Wow, you actually read my away message, now I feel so special. |
| Yes, hardwork does pay off in the end, but lazieness pays off now. |
| You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear |
| You know, I don't understand why people feel the need to put up these long, drawn out away messages up. I mean all you really need to do is just put up gone, sleeping, eating, studying, partying. But people just seem to go on and on and on and on with these things. I mean sure, sometimes they are interesting but come on people. It's just basically a waste of time all together! |
| You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life. |
| You're so hot you don't even need to put the cookies in the oven... You just walk by them, wink and they're done. |
| Your message has been read, organized, filed, and forgotten. Thanks for your time. |
| Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to leave me a message. |
