"Don't write on the question sheet." Teachers Say

Phrase: Don't write on the question sheet. What it really means: I'm so lazy I just use the same exams every semester

"I'm postponing today's exam." Teachers Say

Phrase: I'm postponing today's exam. What it really means: There's stuff on the exam I forgot to cover.

"We'll have to cover this chapter quickly." Teachers Say

Phrase: We'll have to cover this chapter quickly. What it really means: I screwed up on the lecture schedule.

"Read chapters 5 through 10." Teachers Say

Phrase: Read chapters 5 through 10. What it really means: I'm not coming in at all next week.

"Attendance is required and will be counted in your grade." Teachers Say

Phrase: Attendance is required and will be counted in your grade. What it really means: I'm so boring, no one would show up otherwise..

"Bring a #2 pencil to the exam." Teachers Say

Phrase: Bring a #2 pencil to the exam. What it really means: See above.

"We'll just skip the term paper this semester." Teachers Say

Phrase: We'll just skip the term paper this semester. What it really means: There wasn't enough money in the budget for a TA.

"Well, it was on the syllabus." Teachers Say

Phrase: Well, it was on the syllabus. What it really means: I'll hold you responsible for this, even though I forgot about it myself.

"I haven't had a chance to make up the syllabus for this course yet" Teachers Say

Phrase: I haven't had a chance to make up the syllabus for this course yet What it really means: The asshole department chair stuck me with teaching this course ... Read more

"The second list is optional reading." Teachers Say

Phrase: The second list is optional reading. What it really means: I have a rich fantasy life.

"The answer to #4 is "b", and just skip #17." Teachers Say

Phrase: The answer to #4 is "b", and just skip #17. What it really means: I only got around to making up the test last night.

"Please note the last day to withdraw." Teachers Say

Phrase: Please note the last day to withdraw. What it really means: The midterm's gonna suck.

"You won't be able to sell the text back to the bookstore." Teachers Say

Phrase: You won't be able to sell the text back to the bookstore. What it really means: My contract wasn't picked up.

"Let's have class outdoors today!" Teachers Say

Phrase: Let's have class outdoors today! What it really means: I had beans for lunch.

"Let's break up into quiet discussion groups." Teachers Say

Phrase: Let's break up into quiet discussion groups. What it really means: I have a hangover.

"This year, I'll be scaling the grades." Teachers Say

Phrase: This year, I'll be scaling the grades. What it really means: I just passed tenure review.

"There are two TAs available to help you." Teachers Say

Phrase: There are two TAs available to help you. What it really means: I can't be bothered.

"Everyone will prepare in-class oral presentations. = This course is outside my specialty"

Phrase: Everyone will prepare in-class oral presentations. = This course is outside my specialty What it really means: I'll just bluff it and let you teach.

"The final will be comprehensive." Teachers Say

Phrase: The final will be comprehensive. What it really means: I'll expect you to recapitulate in two hours everything I couldn't fully cover myself in 15 weeks.

"Save your questions until the end." Teachers Say

Phrase: Save your questions until the end. What it really means: See above.

"Don't come in late during my lecture." Teachers Say

Phrase: Don't come in late during my lecture. What it really means: I have the attention span of a fruit fly.

"The tests will all be multiple-choice." Teachers Say

Phrase: The tests will all be multiple-choice. What it really means: I take questions directly from the study guide, and have grad students do all my grading.

"Talk to me in my office after class." Teachers Say

Phrase: Talk to me in my office after class. What it really means: Get out of my face.

"Talk to the department secretary." Teachers Say

Phrase: Talk to the department secretary. What it really means: Piss off.