Just watched that TLC show where they exploit people.

I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.

They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?

While at the Supermarket

by adrian · 5 months, 1 week · in Bit under Funny

When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, "Are you two an item?"

Paw Shooter

by adrian · 5 months, 1 week · in Bit under Funny

A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man who shot my paw."

What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, sweetie.

I don't need to walk a mile in your shoes. I can see you’re a train wreck from all the way over here

Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant

Show me where Stalin's buried and I'll show you a communist plot.

Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?

Money can’t buy happiness but it sure buys a lot of distractions.

Which president was least guilty? Lincoln. He is in a cent.

Without geometry, life is pointless

by adrian · 5 months, 1 week · in Bit under Funny

Without geometry, life is pointless

What is the difference between one yard and two yards? A fence

Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giant's fingers.

Are you a beaver? Cause dam!

by adrian · 5 months, 1 week · in Bit under Funny

Are you a beaver? Cause dam!

When she told me I was average, she was just being mean

I went to a seafood disco rave last week and pulled a mussel.

The steaks are too high

by adrian · 5 months, 1 week · in Bit under Funny

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.

I'll take that for the road!

by adrian · 5 months, 1 week · in Bit under Funny

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

Transcending Dental Medication

by adrian · 5 months, 1 week · in Bit under Funny

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Going up?

by adrian · 5 months, 1 week · in Bit under Funny

I was on an elevator the other day, and the operator kept calling me 'son.' I said, 'Why do you call me 'son'? You're not my father.' He said, 'I brought you up, didn't I?'