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George W. Bush's Answer: Look, it's tough crossin' the road. The chicken knows it's tough. The American people have got to understand that I know the chicken knows it's tough. I read the report. But the chicken's on the march. And it will get the job done .

Albert Einstein's Answer: That depends on the observer's inertial frame of reference.

Mr. Spock's Answer: Did the chicken cross the road? If he crossed the road certainly he had no reason to as a chicken as it would mean expending more effort than the food he would find on the other side could provide the energy for. If he crossed the road.... that can only mean that Colonel Sanders was close behind and closing in on him. Captain- if we can approach Colonel Sanders from the correct approaching angle, we may stop him from strangling the chicken. *looks pensive, then checks Captain*.

Cast of Lost's Answer: Jack Sheppard:  I don't know, maybe the chicken was just moving in that direction. Why does it have to mean anything that it crossed the road? John Locke:  The Island demanded that the chicken cross at that moment. Sawyer:  Why are you so interested in the damn chicken, Colonel Sanders? Tired of mangos? Sayid, calmly: I know more about chickens and the use of them crossing roads than I care to remember. I don't know what is more disturbing. The fact that that chicken has crossed the road, or that it has only three toes. Early Shannon:   Ohmygod Boone, why should we care if the chicken crossed the road or not? It has nothing to do with us. Hugo "Hurley" Reyes: Dude, did you see a chicken come this way?

Malcolm X's Answer: The chicken didn't cross that road, the road crossed that chicken.

Bob Dylan's Answer: How many roads must a chicken then cross, before you call him a rooster?

Norah Jones's Answer: "Don't know why the chicken decided to cross the road alone."

Sarah McLachlan's Answer: Listen as the chicken crosses the road's great divide. The joke is its companion and that chicken won't be denied!"

Coldplay's Answer: "The chicken crossed the road for you and everything you did. And the chicken was all yellow."

Joni Mitchell's Answer: "The chickens looked at roads from both sides now, but still somehow its the roads illusion it recalls. Chickens don't really know roads at all."

Cat Steven's Answer: "The chicken had so much left to know so it went on the road to find out."

Louis Armstrong's Answer: "If you have to ask why chickens cross roads you'll never know."

Billie Holiday's Answer: "If a chicken takes a notion to cross a road or ocean. Well it ain't nobody's business if it do."

Enya's Answer: "The great journey that was before the chicken then was what was destined to be. Now the chicken is sorrowful, the road is long past." (When translated from Irish Gaelic)

Loreena McKennitt's Answer: "Have you heard of the chicken that crossed the road? Nee hee hee and me bonnie fowl. It crossed the road for the sake of a rooster."

Tori Amos's Answer: "It heard its cluck, it heard its cluck, and it had been years. But the chicken had been here, not crossing roads all these years."

Fleetwood Mac's Answer: "Oh, take my wing, eat it down. I crossed that road and I turned around. If you see my reflection at the KFC. Well the Buick fender brought me down."

George W. Bush's Answer: We'll have the Colonel ready for any eventuality, and we're pretty sure we'll nab him at the least likely place for a chicken to cross, so that'll make it pretty easy for us, as soon as we can figure where that will be. I have our boys working on that one. They're getting the buckets ready .

John F. Kennedy's Answer: Whyyy...did the chicken, cross the road? *thumps podium* He crossed the road... to give his life. He did it,... not for himself,.......... but he did it... for his fellow chickens. As a warning,... And a brave and noble thing it was... that he did.

Dana Scully's Answer: The simplest explanation is the most likely, now calm down and start behaving rationally.

Mythbusters's Answer: If you fire a frozen chicken out of a cannon; not only will it cross a road, it could be a lethal projectile.

Clement Clarke Moore's Answer: Twas the night before Christmas And all through the house The chickens were scurrying Til scared by a mouse The stockings were hung by the chimney with care But the chickens, the chickens were no longer there They had crossed the road hoping that Saint Nick would visit them there.

The Cast of House's Answer: Cameron: We should watch the chicken, but not force it or manipulate it. Find out what that tells us about its past actions, but not do anything dishonest. Chase: It's just a chicken. It was probably running away from some fat American kid. Foreman: You're both wrong it's a neurological reaction to stimuli. Come on people. House: Actually you're all wrong. The real question is why should we care? The answer is we shouldn't. Next case. Oh and give me my damn pills!

Jules Verne's Answer: Under a 125 F.At 36 degree North and 115 degree East, and at 03:00 GMT, Professor Chicken entered history as his Cannon propelled him through the road.

Sherlock Holmes's Answer: I deduce this was a Rock Island hen, eleven months old, and that it was kept in a mesh cage composed of galvanized iron. Surely Watson, you can see this is a festive Sunday afternoon, and the chicken is but one step ahead of the family stew pot.

Albert Camus's Answer: Why did he cross the road? There is no why, the question is meaningless. The way his claws felt on the pavement, the heat of the sun on his feathered back -- these sensations were all that mattered.

Mr. T's Answer: To escape the construction of a bypasss and to find a towel and a decent cup of tea.

NIETZSCHE's Answer: The chicken who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run across the road; one cannot fly into flying.

Gene Roddenberry 's Answer: Why did the chicken cross the road? To boldly go where no chicken has gone before!

Karl Marx's Answer: To spread the international organization of the chicken-proletariat in their class-struggle against the heinous bourgouisie child-killing egg-frying capitalist farmer-class. He was carrying unifying propaganda meant to instill the virtues and fervor of the labor struggle against the alienating psychological effects of egg-stealing by the evil capitalists. An egg-cott was in the offing: the very foundations of the international capitalist egg-conspiracy were to be shaken by the balk and refusal to lay of all working-chickens everywhere! The fox, an agent of the oppressive bourgouisie, saw his crossing, and ate him: dichotimized in his relations of production, suffering the ultimate alienation of the worker from his labors, the chicken's story is merely further evidence that the worker-chicken cannot escape his labor-role in the cog of the capitalist conspiracy until all laborers everywhere, of whatever specie, are united in their stand against the alienating forces of international exploitative capitalistisic egg-consumption!

J.R.R. Tolkien's Answer: The Road goes ever on and on. It can be dangerous to step out into it, for the Road that starts at your front door leads to Rivendell and wilder places, and you can easily be swept away. If you are a chicken, it can lead to BBQ.

EMILY BRONTE's Answer: The warm spring breeze was light in its touch upon the moors, and the stony brook babbled past the kirk yard as Chickerine approached the road. Though a sheltered young lady, contact with the handsome usurper Heathcluck had excited her womanish passions. Come what may, in foolish defiance of my seasoned advice, she would cross it, and meet her fate upon the Heights.

Isaac Asimov's Answer: The chicken crossed the road because of the third law of chickenhood which states that a chicken must disobey the direct order of a human unless doing so forces it to break the first or second law of chickenhood.

JOSEPH CONRAD's Answer: Looking back, I can only guess as to why the chicken crossed the road. Was it something inside him, something flawed, doomed; something searching - impossibly - both outward and inward, seeking to find that which is necessarily unfindable in his own heart - in all our hearts? Was it some terrible knowledge of the "truth of things" which he'd gleaned from his years with the wild chickens - beyond the civilizing reach of coop and farm? When the native purser arrived at my stateroom and uttered his now famous words, "Mr. Chicken - he crossed the road," I remember feeling relief. Yes, relief. Not surprise. Not sadness. Not horror. Word spread quickly enough. Soon some of the other gentlemen on the riverboat gathered at the topdeck table, around the kerosene lantern, under a sky as black and as endless as the chicken's road. I sensed relief in them as well. And it hit me, as I lit my pipe - with trembling hand, if you must know - that we none of us could afford to go further, to hear any more of Mr. Chicken's unsettling chirping, as we might ourselves be tempted to cross our own roads. Suddenly, the night became immense. The cries of the monkeys in the vines along the far banks became deafeningly shrill. The paddling of the riverboat became like the beating of a heart, a heart of darkness.

HENRY JAMES's Answer: To experience that certain dream-like, singularly individual sensation; so very much like floating in a grey, sweeping oceanic tide, pulled first to sea then allowed to eddy slowly back, yet somehow progressing on both an infinitessimal and a universal scale, and so much so that one forgets his bearings and his course; which chickens throughout time, and indeed others, too, perhaps you and I, have sought out; namely, the rawness, the unadulterated trueness, the incomprehensible "thatness" of empirical induction which comes from actual movement within the physical world; in short, if I may say, to "live," yes, I say again, to "live" in the here, and the now, among the living, the breathing, and to - one might suppose, given the unsatisfactory alternatives - revel in that "living."

Virginia Woolf's Answer: As soon as she stepped into the road, her mind drifted back; back, to Farmer Brown, whose rough hands had clasped her neck so tightly; to the woodshed; to the ax; to the stump over which she had been stretched; and then, the wriggling; and the miraculous escape; through endless fields of sunlight and wildflowers; through barbwire fences and the leaf-cushioned autumn forest; and to the highway, the endless highway, which she found herself crossing now; to the moment, this moment, when she should have been paying attention to the road instead of reminiscing; but alas, too late: splat.

Dante's Answer: IN the midway of the chicken's mortal life, It found itself near a road, not astray Gone from the path indirect: and e'en to tell It were an easy task, th road mild That road, how weak and smooth its growth, Which to remember only, its colors gay Renews, in joyful course far from death. Yet to discourse of what there danger befell, All else will be related discover'd there.

Philip K. Dick's Answer: "What chicken? What road? Neither of them are real. "Neither are you."

J.R.R. Tolkien's Answer: In the foul and perpetual darkness of Mordor the road wound like an ugly gash across the hideous landscape. Chanting horribly, the heavily armored orc army marched drearily down the road. As the last of the foul creatures disappeared into the fell darkness, a fowl creature leapt out from behind a hideous skull shaped boulder and dashed across the road. Feathers quivering with fear, it huddled down while it desperately clucked to itself "I won't go to Mount Doom. I won't. I won't. I won't."

William Gibson's Answer: The road the chicken crossed was the color of a television tuned to static.

Friedrich Nietzsche's Answer: Because he willed himself to do so.

Rod Serling's Answer: Submitted for your approval. Imagine if you will, a chicken. He goes by the moniker of Clucky. To his friends and family, he is a fixture in their lives, no more unique than a light switch. One night, walking along the road after his shift at the munitions plant had ended, Clucky looked across and saw an old man in a white suit, a black shoestring tie. A door appeared and the elderly gentleman stepped inside. The light from this mysterious door lingered. Clucky took a look to the left. Then a look to the right. His next few steps would take him across the road, into the Twilight Zone.

Isaac Asimov's Answer: The Laws of Psychohistory foretold the chicken's journey millennia ago. Its consequenses shall not take full effect for another seven centuries. The First Law of Chickenbotics states: Run around in as random a manner as possible, a requirement to cross all roads being the only exception.

Gary Larson's Answer: To warn the cows that a car was coming.

Ray Bradbury's Answer: The yellow feathery fowl, more like a beaten yolk than anything I had seen in recent memory, might have had purpose in crossing the road, and he might not have. But the purpose was defeated at the first sound of the whirring and bumppity bump of the big rubbershod automobile whose smelly black white shod shoes met the hopeless gray rock embedded pavement, cracked through with the hopes and dreams of travelers past and travelers to be, those who would not care one whit for a careless bird who too bounded by mental limitations to care himself and which sought the farther limits of a seemingly same expanse of ground, but in reality, does a chicken, yellow with Godâs purpose and hopelessly graceless covering, really think about the traveler in his wanderings? No. In parallel with mankindâs sameness in his seemingly purposeless life bounding down the same pavement, were he a chicken himself, would he do the same? Doubtless. But I digress already too much. And so the automobile, with the careless human with the same careless purpose, steamrolled the pavement constantly in search of similar helpless dumb fowl, and whose purpose was certainly none in likewise in same purpose as the little hapless fowl, whose fate was about to be determined partly past the continuous and parallel lines, the lines partaking of the color of a custard pie, but not so like a custard pie as the skin of a lemon. A lemon colored line it was that marked the point of no return for the hopeless creature, no more to be.  Tried to be as flowery as could be.

Morpheus's Answer: Neo, there is no chicken.

KURT VONNEGUT's Answer: So be it. The chicken's chemical makeup reacted as if it were some kind of puritannical harbinger of death. (Even Jesus Christ would begin to repeat himself if he'd lived past 40). Here is what a chicken's ass looks like:

William Gibson's Answer: "They set a slamhound on the Bantam trail in New Delhi, slotted it to his pheromones and the color of his crest."

ERNEST HEMINGWAY's Answer: It was a chicken, truly.

A. E. Housman's Answer: His claws clacked across the ground With the boundless folly of youth, But on the other side he found That death was the only truth.

Foghorn Leghorn's Answer: That chick, ah say, that chicken crossed the road on account of I was after her tail feathers.

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE's Answer: Beware of entrance to the freeway; but being in, Bear't that the opposed side may be obtained by thee, Noble heart.

Lao Tzu's Answer: There is no road.

Chuang Tzu's Answer: Was the chicken crossing the road, or was the road crossing the chicken?

THE PRISONER's Answer: Why did you cross the road, Number Six? Do you seriously expect a response? Is that question directed at me? Surely not, as I am a chicken, of flesh and blood, wing and claw, not a number, and not - I might add - a party to this pathetic charade. Come now, Number Six - let us put aside our customary banter. We have footage of you crossing the road, pursued by one of our security globes. Did you think to escape by crossing the road? To - perhaps - reach the tidal flats? What I think is my own business - as I am not a creature under your sway like these other colorfully-attired, clown-like chickens. There are no chickens here, Number Six. You and I know that. This village is the province of words. Important words. Words - as my predecessors have stressed - which you must utter in order to move, ahem, on. Two simple words, really. We don't ask much. Just an acknowledgment of reality. Don't you mean lies? Isn't the truth of it that this village is a graveyard for chickens who have outlived their usefulness? Chickens of any color? White? Red? As a chicken who chooses self-determination over velocipedes, games of chess with actual chickens as pieces, ridiculous outfits, and golf carts with funny roofs, yes - I crossed the road. Why? Because I damn well felt like it. And you can go straight to Hell or whatever pressure cooker or deep fryer you came from.

Cindy Sheehan's Answer: The chicken joined me and other Americans as we marched to President Bush's Texas ranch to protest the war in Iraq.

Mel Gibson's Answer: Why do you think the chicken crossed the road? Because its a (censored) Jew. Jews think they can just (censored) cross the street whenever they want. Jewish chickens are responsible for all the wars in the world...are you a Jew??

Jim Gilchrist's Answer: The chicken was an illegal immigrant. He not only crossed the road, but he also crossed the border! There are over 12 million illegal chickens in this country. My fellow Minutemen members have witnessed this for years while the feds do nothing about it.

Abu Musab al-Zarqawi's Answer: The chicken crossed the holy road to resist the crusaders. Unfortunately, he was killed during the jihad. He has died a martyr.

Howard Stern's Answer: I'm afraid to answer that because the FCC would fine me for it! Wait until I'm on satellite radio, then I'll tell you.

Jose Canseco's Answer: The chicken was juiced up on steroids! Mark McGwire and I would shoot the chicken in the buttocks everyday after baseball practice. All the details are in my new book.

Jose Canseco's Answer: The chicken was juiced up on steroids! Mark McGwire and I would shoot the chicken in the buttocks everyday after baseball practice. All the details are in my new book.

Jessica Simpson 's Answer: Why would he be one a road, I thought chickens lived in the ocean?

Homer Simpson 's Answer: There was free beer on the other side of the road.

Bill Cosby 's Answer: Weeelll, ya see, the chicken crossed the road, and to get... to...the jello pudding pops.

Snoop Dogg 's Answer: This (censored) fool of a chicken didn't (censored) know what the (censored) he was doin crossin a (censored) alley in (censored) Harlem at 1:00 in the (censored) mornin'.

Linda Tripp 's Answer: "I've been friends with this chicken for a long time. I only recorded the chicken's crossing of the road because it was important for the country to know what was going on Pennsylvania Ave."

Isaac Newton 's Answer: The duck suggested to the chicken that they play follow the leader then the duck crossed the road causing the chicken to cross after it, but at the same time holding up traffic, thus proving that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction .

Shakespeare 's Answer: To cross or not to cross, that is the question.

Rene Descartes 's Answer: Since the chicken does not really exist it was only an illusion that the chicken crossed the road. This illusion was only in my mind. Therefore I created the chicken that crossed the road.

Ken Lay's Answer: I was not aware of the chicken's crossing the road or of any accounting tricks used by Enron to disguise the chicken's true position.

John Kerry's Answer: I agree that the chicken should cross the road, but I believe that the chicken should not get to the other side..

Pete Rose 's Answer: I don't know, but I swear I didn't bet on it.

Gandhi 's Answer: All chickens should peacefully resist by crossing the road.

Colin Powell 's Answer: This is not about whether inspectors made sure the chicken crossed the road, it's about the willingness of the chicken to cross the road voluntarily.

Darwin's Answer: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees. Another Answer: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

(former) Iraq Information Minister: There is no such chicken trying to cross the road, and there never has been any such chicken.

Moses's Answer: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

David Hume's Answer: Out of custom and habit.

Douglas Adams's Answer: Forty-two.

Epicurus's Answer: For fun.

Henry David Thoreau's Answer: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Hippocrates's Answer: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Howard Cosell's Answer: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homosapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

Jack Nicholson's Answer: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

John Sununu 's Answer: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe's Answer: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Johnny Cochran 's Answer: Because the road was black and the chicken was white. We must acquit.

Machiavelli's Answer: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was. Another Answer: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained

Arthur Andersen Consultant's Answer: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impact environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. (Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

Mark Twain's Answer: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Ralph Waldo Emerson's Answer: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Salvador Dali 's Answer: The Fish.

Secretary Cheney's Answer: Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They could fly if they wanted to. Chickens don't want to cross the road. They don't need help crossing the road. In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road myself.

Senator Lieberman's Answer: I believe that every chicken has the right to worship his or her God in his or her own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in his or her own way.

The Sphinx's Answer: You tell me.

Neil Armstrong's Answer: To go where no chicken has gone before. Another Answer: That's one small step for Chicken, one giant leap for Chicken kind.

Thomas de Torquemada's Answer: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary's Answer: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

George Bush's Answer: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

Al Gore's Answer: I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people. Another Answer: I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them

Bill Gates' Answer: I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

Martha Stewart's Answer: No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

Dr. Seuss' Answer: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told!

Ernest Hemingway's Answer: To die. In the rain. Alone.

Martin Luther King Jr's Answer: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa's Answer: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Barbara Walters' Answer: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

Ralph Nader's Answer: The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been pollutedby unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV. Another Answer: Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the evil tire makers. Chickens aren't ignorant, but our society pays tire makers to create the need for these roads and then lures chickens into believing there is an advantage to crossing them. Down with the roads, up with chickens.

Jerry Seinfield's Answer: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Pat Buchanan's Answer: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

Rush Limbaugh's Answer: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

Jerry Falwell's Answer: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side.".

John Lennon's Answer: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

Aristotle's Answer: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. Another Answer: To actualize it’s potential.

Karl Marx's Answer: It was a historical inevitability.

Saddam Hussein's Answer: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Voltaire's Answer: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

Captain Kirk's Answer: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Fox Mulder's Answer: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

Scully's Answer: It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.

The Bible's Answer: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Albert Einstein's Answer: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? Another Answer: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Sigmund Freud's Answer: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

L.A.P.D.'s Answer: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Richard Nixon's Answer: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. Another Answer: I don't know any chickens. I have never known any chickens.

Buddha's Answer: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.

Joseph Stalin's Answer: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.

Carl Jung's Answer: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and, therefore, synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Louis Farrakhan's Answer: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

John Locke's Answer: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.

Albert Camus' Answer: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.

Oliver Stone's Answer: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?" Another Answer: National Security was at stake

The Pope's Answer: That is only for God to know.

Immanuel Kant's Answer: chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will. Another Answer: The chicken was acting out of a sense of duty to cross the road, as chickens have traditionally crossed roads throughout history

MC. Escher's Answer: That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.

George Orwell's Answer: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.

Plato's Answer: For the greater good.

Nietzsche's Answer: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

B.F. Skinner's Answer: Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own freewill.

Jean-Paul Sartre's Answer: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Emily Dickenson's Answer: Because it could not stop for death.

O.J. Simpson's Answer: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.

Ken Starr's Answer: I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of the United States of America, in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road, until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations, have been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.).

Colonel Sanders' Answer: I missed one?