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If any of Daddy's Evil Henchmen try to make a move on you, maim them at least. While the encounter might be interesting, it would set a bad precedent.

If you fall in love with the Hero, and want him to return your affection, do not use a drug concocted by a wizened old lady living on the top of a mountain. If the hero is not blind, your natural charms will be sufficient to win him over. If he prefers some tramp of a princess, then he obviously has rotten taste; find someone better.

If you fall in love with the Hero, and learn that he has a True Love, carefully investigate the relationship. If she has never returned his affection, the position is still open to competition (but you have to work as the Hero's Sidekick for a while, first). If the True Love returns the Hero's affection, give it up. Especially, do not try to eliminate the True Love by killing her, framing her, or subverting her. You'll either fail, be unmasked as the culprit, or both.

Do not wear dresses with high, fan-like collars. Stick with close-fitting, simple little numbers that allow you to turn your head to see behind you. If for some reason you have to wear a dress with a high collar, there is an arcane device called a "mirror" that will help you watch your back.

Have some engineers install a hidden exit from the room where Daddy imprisoned Mommy for the rest of her days after she displeased him.

Do not mistreat the populace. Let Daddy be the one to make enemies of all the Heroes in the land.

If you have siblings, do not trust them. They'll only use you shamelessly. Of course if they're stupid enough to trust you, use them shamelessly.

If any of your siblings try to enlist your help to overthrow Daddy, smile, agree, and then turn them in. They're either stupid (in which case the plot would certainly fail and you'll get caught), setting you up (in which case not turning them in is a very bad idea), or they've turned Good (in which case life under the new regime would be boring).

Laugh at all of the Sidekick's jokes, no matter how lame they are. That way when you pretend to fall for him he will be more easily fooled.

Rather than simply being an attractive stage prop, make sure that you know every detail of the running of the Evil Empire, so that if anything unpleasant happens to Daddy, the transition of power will go smoothly. Then make sure that something unpleasant happens to Daddy.

Make up your mind now whether you want to marry the Hero or slowly cut him into little pieces. Do not attempt the latter until you have given up on the former.

Daddy's Trusted Lieutenant works for Daddy. When he catches you cavorting with the Hero, he will gleefully take whatever you offer for his silence, and then turn you in anyway.

© 2002 by John VanSickle from http://enphilistor.users4.50megs.com . Permission to quote for non-commerical use is granted, provided that this copyright notice is included. Permission to link from non-commericial Web pages is granted. All other rights reserved.