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When issued armor or uniforms that contrast with the service environment, respectfully inquire after more sensibly-colored attire.

Get plenty of firearms practice, and shoot at the Hero, not at the ground around him; kicking up lots of dirt looks cool, but it won't stop the Hero.

Don't attack the hero alone or in pairs. The Evil Overlord hired a million of you for a reason.

Learn how to lead from the rear and command from afar, just like the Evil Overlord does.

Exercise care in the abuse of oppressed peoples. Many farm implements make effective weapons in the hands of a skilled opponent. Some of those little old men can teach you a thing or two about hand-to-hand, too. And it would be just your luck for the villager you pick on to actually be the Hero masquerading as one of the villagers.

Test your armor's ability to stop a minimum of one sword thrust or laser blast, and if it does not give at least this much protection, respectfully inquire after more.

Make sure that your headgear allows for a useful field of vision.

Remember that if the Hero and/or his comrades are being purposefully allowed to escape, there is no need for you to get killed in your effort to "prevent" the escape.

If a prisoner suddenly takes ill, notify the Evil Overlord and await his instructions. Do not go into the cell to examine him/her yourself.

If you're on patrol and your partner mysteriously disappears, call for backup before you go look for him.

If your unit's name contains words like "Imperial", "Elite", "Supreme", "Tactical", "Storm" or "Special", request a transfer as soon as possible. These guys always get clobbered first when the Heroes attack.

© 1999 by John VanSickle from http://enphilistor.users4.50megs.com . Permission to quote for non-commerical use is granted, provided that this copyright notice is included. Permission to link from non-commericial Web pages is granted. All other rights reserved.