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Tips for the Trusted Lieutenant...

When the hero or his sidekicks are at your mercy, don't stop to gloat.

If you can't resist gloating, don't boast about the reward you expect to receive from your master for bringing them in or killing them off.

If you gloat and boast, don't be surprised if a comrade of the person you have at your mercy jumps you from behind while you're distracted with your boasting.

If you fail to complete your mission, skip town. Returning to the Evil Overlord to report on your failure will usually get you killed.

While the Evil Overlord is gloating over his anticipated success in the venture he is about to launch, it is considered impolite to ask "And if you fail?" You probably won't be flogged, maimed, or killed for your temerity, but why risk it?
Never wear gender-inappropriate underwear if swords are common. The Hero will slice your suspenders, causing your pants to fall and exposing you to ridicule.

If you follow orders and fail, the Evil Overlord will claim he told you to do something different, and your body parts will be used a castle decorations. If you disobey orders and succeed, the EO will act as if what you did was his idea, and you will be commended. The Moral: Do what works.

Find out what happened to your predecessor. Learn from it.

Always have a scapegoat arranged in order to explain every failure.

Never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, accept responsibility for failure.

© 2002 by John VanSickle from http://enphilistor.users4.50megs.com . Permission to quote for non-commerical use is granted, provided that this copyright notice is included. Permission to link from non-commericial Web pages is granted. All other rights reserved.
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