| i
thought they kicked me out after i said "holy crap" when
they asked for the collection plate |
| I
don't like going to church because the priest is too loud, the choir
can't sing, and the man behind me keeps coughing! |
| I
don't want to go to church because my kids don't want to go and I
can't find a babysitter for them. |
| I
don't want to go to church because I have epilepsy and I'm afraid
I'll have a seizure during the sermon. |
| The
little children that sit in front of me in church don't pay attention
so why should I? I might as well not go. |
| i'll
go to church when I start smoking and if I don't I'll go when I stop |
| "I
wasn't paying attention because I was talking to God. I'm sorry." |
| God
can hear me worship from home. |
| The
last time I went to Chuch, the priest told us about someone who was
burned at the stake for believing in God! I don't want that to happen
to me now do I? |
| eat
popcorn so I won't be attending church for the rest of football season. |
| Sorry
I'm late for church. I was too busy finishing my human sacrifice. |
| Sorry
I missed church today. I was performing a human sacrifice. |
| I
did not miss church, in fact I had quite a good time with out coming
to church. |
| I
did not miss Church, I found a new Church. It’s a wonderful
Church so singing, no sit-stand-kneel, it’s very peaceful. Every
Sunday you can faithfully find me at Saint Mattress. |
| I'm
sorry I couldn't come to church. The virgin sacrifice took longer
than we expected. |
| Here's
an excuse for not going to church: The devil made me do it! |
| Sorry
I missed Church, but I was too busy practicing witchcraft and becoming
a lesbian. |
| Sorry
I couldn't go to church last week, the devil is a horrible thing. |
| Church
Excuse: Veni, Vidi, NoN-Velcro. (I came, I Saw, I didn't stick around.) |
| This
parish is too politically correct. |
| My
husband and I both work for our church and if he doesn't feel like
going into church on Sunday, he'll often say, I just spent 5 (or 6)
days there, if we go to church today, I will be in church everyday
for the last 12 days. That much church can kill a person. |
| I
can't go to church, my name is Judas. |
| What
go to church? Sorry I'm Catholic. |
| It's
family reunion day - most people don't seem to know that they CAN
have a family reunion on a Saturday! |
| I
have to wash the car. |
| I
must mow the yard. |
| I
am a song writer and wrote a song about excuses people give for not
serving and worshipping the Lord. Your page covered most of them plus
some. Here are some others: |
| I
don't go to church cause I have a feeling that God doesn't like agnostics. |
| My
cat is a prophet, I get all my Godly advice straight from the cat's
mouth. If the cat doesn't tell me to got to church, I consider it
great wisdom of the prophet. |
| I'm
allergic to unleavened bread. |
| I'm
allergic to wine. |
| I'm
allergic to incense. |
| I
atoned for my sins last year. |
| Three
words: Church On Line |
| The
guy I slept with last night....you know.....what's his name.....couldn't
tell me where the nearest church service was.....heathen that he must
be! |
| God
made Football.....doesn't that cover it? |
| I'm
too hung over to get outta bed that early on Sunday. |
| I
don't go to church on Sunday because getting the kids dressed in their
Sunday Best first thing in the morning makes me cuss and curse the
Lord......very loudly. |
| Nobody
notices when I'm gone anyway. |
| They
don't sing the songs I like. |
| The
whole service caters to young people. |
| The
whole service is designed for old people. |
| I'm
not coming if they are going to play guitars and drums. |
| They
don't play the organ. |
| The
organ is too loud. |
| I
can't go to church because my butt hurts from all the sitting and
I need joint replacements in my knee's from all the kneeling. |
| I
should be able to send in money if I want without having to put money
in a plate. |
| I
don't like all the hollering and yelling some people do. |
| They're always asking me for more of my money. |
| Why
don't they sing Negro spirituals? |
| The
songs are too European. |
| The
songs are too old. |
| I
can't find a baby sitter on Sunday. |
| I
never know what time I'm going to get home. |
| It's
uncomfortable in church. |
| The
pews are too hard. |
| Jesus
wasn't a blue eyed white man. |
| I
don't like the statue of Jesus. |
| There
aren't any good-looking girls there. |
| There
aren't any good-looking guys there. |
| My
family never went to church when I was a kid. |
| My
husband doesn't go, so why should I. |
| My
wife doesn't go, so why should I. |
| I
don't have transportation. |
| Pastors can't forgive sins. |
| I
worship God at home when I'm alone. |
| I
don't believe in religion. |
| I'm
not religious. |
| I
hate it when they ask me to stand up and introduce myself. |
| The
people always try to get me to join the church. |
| It's
too stuffy, why don't they open some windows. |
| The
air conditioner is too loud. |
| It's
too hot, why don't they get air conditioning. |
| It's
too cold in there, why don't they turn up the heat. |
| The
choir isn't very good. |
| The
choir doesn't sing often enough. |
| The
choir is too loud. |
| I
don't like the songs the choir sings. |
| I
don't like the songs we have to sing. |
| I
don't like them serving grape juice - they should serve wine. |
| I
don't like them serving wine every two weeks. |
| The
sermon is too long. |
| The
service is too long. |
| I
don't want to be around a bunch of bible thumpers. |
| Why
should I give my money to some church? |
| I
don't want to put anything in the plate. |
| I
can't afford to give anything, and I don't want to be embarrassed. |
| I
can't follow what they do, so why should I just sit there. |
| I
don't understand what's goin' on anyway. |
| I'll
get religious in my next life. |
| I'll
get religion when I get to purgatory. |
| My
family can get me into heaven after I'm dead. |
| I
don't do nothing bad, so I'm goin' to heaven anyway. |
| I
belong to the 700 club; that's good enough. |
| I
watch Billy Graham every week. |
| I
attend church by watching it on TV. |
| I
listen to church on the radio. |
| I
don't believe in God. |
| I
don't think I really believe in God.... I'm just not sure. |
| I
have nothing to wear. |
| I
don't get up in time on Sunday morning. |
| I
work lots of overtime....so I'm too tired to worship God. |
| Ain't
got time. |
| I
work six days a week. The seventh day belongs to me. |
| I
don't have time for God. |
| I
work seven days a week. |
| I
like to party. |
| I
still go to the bars on Saturday night. |
| I'll
go to church after I stop cussin'. |
| I'll
go to church after I stop drinking. |
| I'll
go to church after I stop smoking. |
| I'm
still a sinner. |
| I'm
not good enough. |
| It's
boring. |
| I'm
too young - I'll go when I'm too old to have any more fun. |
| There
are too many sinners in church. |
| There
are too many hypocrites in church. |
| They
don't meet my needs. |
| There
are no people my age so I'm not going. |
| The
preacher moves around to much. |
|
