| becky
wont be in school next week, as we are in a bit of a thrush, and I
know she will be ill. |
| Dear
mr/misses my loved child who i like to punch was off school for the
past 12 weeks because a child at the school keeps hitting him i dont
know who but if i find out ill kill them like i just killed my son...... |
| by
myself so i'm waiting until (insert time) so that i can be escorted
by my friends/ boyfriend/girlfriend." |
| ''Sorry,my
children are starving and they havent eaten since Breakfast! The school
lunches are horrible!" |
| I
Could not turn in my assignment because i mistook it for a letter
for my penpal in siberia, sent it, and im going to need an extension
to get it back. |
| I'm
just a naturally hyper person and the alcohol in my system is from
cough syrup. |
| My
green card just expired |
| My
hair got caught in the blender. |
| Coach,
yesterday in spanish I almost passed out i swear! |
| Yeah..
but I really just don't like you. |
| Sorry
im late, i was squeezing a spot! |
| i
can't go to ... because i am busy for the next week or so |
| Blame
it on the cheese Roll |
| I
am in a snow storm, my car is stuck and the ploughs arnt coming ..."Its
the middle of Summer," .........freak weather! it's global warmings
fault. |
| my
dog is having surgery |
| Don’t
want to go out |
| I
have to take a bath....one hundred times....cramps |
| can't
you see i'm busy? |
| I'm
watching paint dry |
| My
hair is messed up and I need to comb it. |
| I
wont be in today because I ran out of TOTAL and have to finish forty
bowls of special K |
| "Please
can i stay out for half an hour later coz we're watching a movie at
(insert name)'s house." |
| "I'm
staying out a little later because the pizza we ordered hasnt arrived
yet." |
| I
would like to come home on time but i don't want to walk up in the
dark. |
| I
was just round the corner when i realised i left my (insert object)
at (insert person)'s house and i had to go and get it. |
| "I'm
sorry I cant talk right now, I'm drinking tea." |
| I
have to finish rewinding my tapes. |
| I
have to finish rewinding my CD's. |
| I
can not go today for the scabs are getting worse on my body |
| I'm
late because the late bell rang before I got here. |
| (if
you get caught drinking) I Was Not Drinking, But i have Just Been
Kissing people who have been drinking. (this actually worked when
i got pulled over, they did not have a breathaliser.) |
| i
broke my hip going downstaris geting a pencil to prepare studing for
my history exam!! |
| A
friend leaving a house when they are bored "I have to go clean
my fishbowl" |
| can't
you please give me a break officer? Honestly, I only speed when I'm
drunk!!!! |
| Im
calling in dead. |
| Sorry,
I couldn't come in yesterday, my cousin's friend's godmother's fish
had an allergic reaction to it's food and almost died |
| Um....I
was in a terrible plane crash and my whole family died and im a vegetable......I'll
see you tomorrow. |
| Jedi
mind trick (make elaborate sweeping motion with hand) "You dont
need to see my liscense and registration. |
| I
am not late, everyone else is just early |
| I'd
love to but.... i have to butter my flip flops |
| I
have to change the air in my basketballs |
| My
cat is on dialysis. |
| I'm
trying to loose weight, but it just keeps finding me! |
| I'd
love to but.....I don't see any pigs flying. |
| I'd
love to,but.........i broke a nail |
| My
dog told me not to. |
| Was
I late or was everyone else in the world early? |
| I'd
love to but... I am allergic to that. |
| Sir!
Sir! You'll never guess what happened my dad works for the secret
service and the geography project I done has some important data in
it so they raided my house last night and snatched my project away
then ripped it! |
| I'd
love to but... I found a hair in my soup, and I have to find it's
rightful owner. |
| My
goldfish ran away |
| Sorry,
but the Blue optic buffer gasket housing bracket turbine core 357
hemi lifter emulator rod bearing clamp, with Tran optical delushment
ball bearing, tripptoppened to a three piece microlator, wasn't working
in my car, and it broke down. |
| I'd
love to but... I got abducted by my goldfish. |
| I’d
love to but I’d be violating my parole |
| I'd
love to but I have to re-arrange they keys in my keyboard. |
| "Oh
I'm sorry, but I'm actually a vampire and I need to hurry back before
the sun rises" |
| Sorry
I couldn't get you a decent gift but all my money comes straight out
of your pocket! |
| "Sorry
I’m on my period and I was in a hurry to get home, because I’m
bleeding all over myself" |
| Sorry,
I'm allergic to people |
| "He
told me I could borrow it." |
| "I
didn't see the speed limit sign." |
| "I
didn't know there was a law against doing that." |
| "I
wasn't really speeding. Because I'm driving a sports car it just looks
like I was." |
| "My
speedometer is broken and I didn't realize I was speeding." |
| "I
was just following orders." |
| "There
is a massive conspiracy on the part of the police, the crime lab,
the media, etc. to discredit me." (the OJ Defense) |
| "I
was temporarily insane." |
| "I
refuse to answer, under advice of counsel." |
| "I'm
not as drunk as you think I am, Officer." |
| "I
didn't take it, I found it and was trying to find the owner." |
| "I'm
sorry officer, I didn't realize I was speeding, but I had cancer a
few years ago, and I was just coming back from the doctor's office
where I get my annual cancer check-up. He told me I was still in good
health, and I was so happy that I just forgot I was speeding." |
| ...
well, maybe. |
| I'm
trying to cut down. |
| I
have to sit up with a sick ant. |
| I
think you want the OTHER [your name] . |
| I
prefer to remain an enigma. |
| I
have to stay home and see if I snore. |
| My
Dress For Obscurity class meets then. |
| My
palm reader advised against it. |
| I
have to jog my memory. |
| I'm
going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for
me. |
| Having
fun gives me prickly heat. |
| I
have to thaw some karate chops for dinner. |
| I'm
going to count the bristles in my toothbrush. |
| I
have to go to court for kitty littering. |
| I'm
having my baby shoes bronzed. |
| I
have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar. |
| I'm
up to my elbows in waxy buildup. |
| My
uncle escaped again. |
| I
have to rotate my crops. |
| I'm
observing National Apathy Week. |
| I've
been traded to Cincinnati. |
| I'm
going to be old someday. |
| I
have to study for a blood test. |
| My
favorite commercial is on TV. |
| You
know how we psychos are. |
| I'm
writing a love letter to Richard Simmons. |
| I'm
waiting to see if I'm already a winner. |
| I
have to bleach my hare. |
| My
bathroom tiles need grouting. |
| I'm
trying to be less popular. |
| I
feel a song coming on. |
| I
promised to help a friend fold road maps. |
| I'm
uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others. |
| I
have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship. |
| There
are important world issues that need worrying about. |
| I
have too much guilt. |
| I
have to wash/condition/perm/curl/tease/torment my hair. |
| I'm
too old/young for that stuff. |
| it
down. |
| I
just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I can't put |
| Basil
Metabolism. |
| I'm
running off to Yugoslavia with a foreign-exchange student named |
| My
mother would never let me hear the end of it. |
| I
never go out on days that end in "Y." |
| My
chocolate-appreciation class meets that night. |
| I'm
touring China with a wok band. |
| My
yucca plant is feeling yucky. |
| I'm
attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer. |
| I'm
making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator." |
| I
changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out. |
| People
are blaming me for the Spanish-American War. |
| I'm
having all my plants neutered. |
| I
have to be on the next train to Bermuda. |
| None
of my socks match. |
| I
have to answer all of my "occupant" letters. |
| I've
got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting. |
| The
last time I went, I never came back. |
| I
left my body in my other clothes. |
| I'm
giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store. |
| My
subconscious says no. |
| I
have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary. |
| It's
too close to the turn of the century. |
| I
don't want to leave my comfort zone. |
| I
have to fulfill my potential. |
| My
plot to take over the world is thickening. |
| I
made an appointment with a cuticle specialist. |
| I've
come down with a really horrible case of something or other. |
| I'm
converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian. |
| I
have to fluff my shower cap. |
| I'm
taking punk totem pole carving. |
| The
monsters haven't turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots. |
| My
Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then. |
| I'll
be looking for a parking space. |
| The
grunion are running. |
| I'm
being deported. |
| I'm
going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise. |
| I'm
worried about my vertical hold. |
| I'm
sandblasting my oven. |
| I'm
attending the opening of my garage door. |
| My
patent is pending. |
| I'm
getting my overalls overhauled. |
| I'm
in training to be a household pest. |
| I'm
trying to see how long I can go without saying yes. |
| My
crayons all melted together. |
| I'm
planning to go downtown to try on gloves. |
| I'm
going through cherry cheesecake withdrawl. |
| I
have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products. |
| I'm
teaching my ferret to yodel. |
| I
have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted. |
| I'm
doing door-to-door collecting for static cling. |
| There's a disturbance in the Force. |
| I'm
enrolled in aerobic scream therapy. |
| I
did my own thing and now I've got to undo it. |
| I'm
building a pig from a kit. |
| It
wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People. |
| It's my
parakeet's bowling night. |
| I'm
staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture. |
| I've
been scheduled for a karma transplant. |
| The
man on television told me to say tuned. |
| The
President said he might drop in. |
| I
want to spend more time with my blender. |
| I've
dedicated my life to linguini. |
| I
have to floss my cat. |
|
