| |
Search Results:
|
Steven Wright
|
My watch is three hours fast, and I can't fix it. So I'm goingto move to New York.
|
|
Steven Wright
|
I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentallywalk through into another dimension.
|
|
Steven Wright
|
I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what itis. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and Isay, "I think I might have written that."
|
|
Steven Wright
|
I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one... Itwasn't doing what I was doing.
|
|
Steven Wright
|
Lots of comedians have people they try to mimic. I mimic myshadow.
|
|
Steven Wright
|
Last night, I walked up to this beautiful woman in a bar andasked her, "Do you live around here often?" She said, "You'rewearing two different colored socks." I said, "Yes, but to methey're the same because I go by thickness." Then she asked,"How do you feel?" and I said, "Well, you know when you'resitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legsthen you lean too far and you almost fall over but at the lastsecond you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time."
|
|
Stephen Leacock
|
Humor may be defined as the kindly contemplation of the incongruities of life, and the artistic expression thereof.
|
|
Harold Abelson
|
If I have not seen as far as others, it is because there were giants standing on my shoulders.
|
|
Lin Yutang
|
This I conceive to be the chemical function of humor: to change the character of our thought.
|
|
Peter De Vries
|
The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance.
|
|
Mark Twain
|
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
|
|
Hugh Sidey
|
A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.
|
|
Christopher Morley
|
Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs.
|
|
Groucho Marx
|
Humor is reason gone mad.
|
|
William James
|
Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
|
|
Thomas W. Higginson
|
Great men are rarely isolated mountain peaks; they are the summits of ranges.
|
|
Thomas W. Higginson
|
Nothing is so galling to a people not broken in from the birth as a paternal, or in other words a meddling government, a government which tells them what to read and say and eat and drink and wear.
|
|
Thomas W. Higginson
|
When a thought takes one's breath away, a grammar lesson seems an impertinence.
|
|
Thomas W. Higginson
|
There is no defense against adverse fortune which is so effectual as an habitual sense of humor.
|
|
Mohandas Gandhi
|
If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.
|
|
John Kenneth Galbraith
|
Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but it has no persuasive value at all.
|
|
Oscar W. Firkins
|
Humor is not a postscript or an incidental afterthought; it is a serious and weighty part of the world's economy. One feels increasingly the height of the faculty in which it arises, the nobility of things associated with it, and the greatness of services it renders.
|
|
Clifton Paul Fadiman
|
A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself.
|
|
Max Eastman
|
Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully.
|
|
William Davis
|
The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh for five seconds and think for ten minutes.
|
|
Bill Cosby
|
You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.
|
|
Irvin S. Cobb
|
Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn.
|
|
Romain Cary
|
Humor is an affirmation of man's dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him.
|
|
Sid Caesar
|
Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end.
|
|
Henry Ward Beecher
|
A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.
|
|
Francis Bacon
|
Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.
|
|
|