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Search Results:
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Rodney Dangerfield
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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I told him I think my wife has V.D. he gave himself a shot of penicillin
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Rodney Dangerfield
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"Doc, every morning I look in the mirror and feel like barfing, what's wrong", he said "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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My friends and I play a new version of Russian roulette, we pass around six girls and one of them has V.D.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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Group sex are you kidding I had group sex - My wife screwed in front of the jury.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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I get up and a button falls off, I pick up my briefcase and the handle falls off I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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Once in a restaurant I made a toast to my wife, "To the best woman a man ever had". The waiter joined me.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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One day I came home and saw a guy jogging naked, I said "Hey buddy why are you doing that", he said "cause you came home early".
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Rodney Dangerfield
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I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend
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Rodney Dangerfield
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During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife has cut me down to once a month, I'm lucky I know two guys she cut off completely
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Rodney Dangerfield
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Went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted, "surprise me" I said, so he showed me a naked picture of my wife.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face - it shows.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife's got a face like a saint - a Saint Bernard.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so ugly that the last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so ugly that she looks like she came second in a hatchet fight.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so ugly that she has a face like a boiled boot and a tongue long enough to lace it up.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so ugly that when two men broke into her apartment and she yelled "rape" they yelled "nooooooo"
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Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so ugly that they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so ugly that when I bent down to pet her cat it turned out to be the hair on her legs.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so ugly that if you grab a dictionary and look under the word ugly you would see her picture.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so ugly that she was known as a two bagger, one for you in case her bag breaks.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size)
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Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so fat that when I hit her with my car she asked why I didn't go around her and I said that I didn't think I had enough gas.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so fat that when guys have sex with her they ask for directions.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so fat that she has a dress with a sign on the back that says "caution wide load"
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Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so fat that she wears a 'cross your thighs' bra
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Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so fat that she has her own postal code.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so fat that when she got on the scale a card came out saying one at a time.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so fat that after she sat on someone's lap we had to look for him in the crack of her ass.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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FAT. My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing
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Rodney Dangerfield
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FAT. My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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After making love to this girl she started crying, I said "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning", "No I hate myself now"
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Rodney Dangerfield
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I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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If it weren't for pick-pockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.
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Ernest Hemingway
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Many of the most successful men I have known have never grown up. They have retained bubbling-over boyishness. They have relished wit, they have indulged in humor. They have not allowed dignity to depress them into moroseness. Youthfulnesss of spirit is
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George Barrell Cheever
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For health and the constant enjoyment of life, give me a keen and ever-present sense of humor it is the next best thing to an abiding faith in providence.
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E. B. White
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Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
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Eric Sevareid
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Next to power without honor, the most dangerous thing in the world is power without humor.
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Jennifer Jones
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If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor.
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Clifton Paul Fadiman
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A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself.
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Romain Cary
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Humor is an affirmation of man's dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him.
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Clifton Paul Fadiman
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A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke and that the joke is oneself.
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Agnes Repplier
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Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding.
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Edward Albee
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I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humor.
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Jessamyn West
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A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself.
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Oscar W. Firkins
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Humor is not a postscript or an incidental afterthought it is a serious and weighty part of the world's economy. One feels increasingly the height of the faculty in which it arises, the nobility of things associated with it, and the greatness of services it renders.
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Oscar W. Firkins
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Humor is not a postscript or an incidental afterthought; it is a serious and weighty part of the world's economy. One feels increasingly the height of the faculty in which it arises, the nobility of things associated with it, and the greatness of services it renders.
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R.H. STODDARD: _Abraham Lincoln._
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This man, whose homely face you look upon, Was one of Nature's masterful, great men; Born with strong arms, that unfought battles won Direct of speech, and cunning with the pen. Chosen for large designs, he had the art Of winning with his humor, and he we
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Hugh Sidey
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A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.
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George
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward 'I'm such a klutz' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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Leo C. Rosten
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Humor is, I think, the subtlest and chanciest of literary forms. It is surely not accidental that there are a thousand novelists, essayists, poets or journalists for each humorist. It is a long, long time between James Thurbers.
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Claude Roy
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Love is an attachment to another self. Humor is a form of self-detachment -- a way of looking at one's existence, one's misfortune, or one's discomfort. If you really love, if you really know how to laugh, the result is the same you forget yourself.
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Ann Landers
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Class has a sense of humor. It knows that a good laugh is the best lubricant for oiling the machinery of human relations. Class never makes excuses. It takes its lumps and learns from past mistakes. Class bespeaks an aristocracy unrelated to ancestors or money. Some extremely wealthy people have no class at all, while others who are struggling to make ends meet are loaded with it. Class is real. You can't fake it. Class never tries to build itself up by tearing others down. Class is already up and need not attempt to look better by making others look worse. Everyone is comfortable with the person who has class because he is comfortable with himself. If you have class, you've got it made. If you don't have class, no matter what else you have, it won't make up for it.
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"Humor, too, is one of His creations." -- Father Mulcahy
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"Humor. It is a difficult concept." - Moderator
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"As I feared, you have no sense of humor." -- Chiun
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"Humor! I love it! Wheeee!" --Data
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"Believe it or not, Worf is developing a sense of humor." - Yar
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"Humor. It is a difficult concept." - Moderator
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"Nuns. No sense of humor." - The Kurgan
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"Humor. It is a difficult concept." -- Saavik
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
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I sometimes think that the saving grace of America lies in the fact that the overwhelming majority of Americans are possessed of two great qualities- a sense of humor and a sense of proportion.
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"I am not devoid of humor." - Brain
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"Humor can be serious. What it can't be is solemn." - Cleese
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"God is a god of *humor*, too." -- Bill Parkes
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"Cardassian humor escapes me." Odo
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A sense of humor is just common sense dancing.
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A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
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"Ah! Humor in Uniform!" -- Tom Servo
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"Ah! Humor in Uniform!" -- Tom Servo
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"There may be a corolation between humor and sex." - Data
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"I fail to see the humor in this situation." -- Odo
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Sometimes the only sense we can make out of life is a sense of humor.
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"I don't understand their humor, either." - Lt JG Worf
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"Just humor him." -- Crow T. Robot
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"I take it back: you do have a sense of humor." - Q
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"Humor. It is a difficult concept." - @TO@
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I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce s
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"Beep beep? It *must* be Earth humor..." -- Londo Molari
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"Beep Beep? Must be Earth humor" - Londo Molari
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"Beep beep? Must be Earth humor.." - Londo
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"Beep beep? Must be Earth humor....." - Londo
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"You won't need that." Amanda "Humor me." Duncan
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"Beep beep? Beep beep!?" Must be Earth humor....." - Londo
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