"No, really, I'm OK to drive." - I'm wasted and should have someone bring me home but I am too embarrassed to have anybody see who I am going home with.
"I'm not used to these darts." - I'm not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue when I am this bombed.
"Lets go out to my car and get some cigarettes." (to opposite sex) - You would look great face down in my lap.
"You get this one, next round is on me." - We won't be here long enough to get another round.
"I'll get this one, next one is on you." - This place has dollar drafts and beers are $4.50 a pop at the next bar.
"Hey, where is that friend of yours?" - I have no interest whatsoever in talking to you other than you're a way to get your friend into a compromising position.
"Lets get out of here." - I just dumped a half a pitcher of beer into that biker guy's helmet.
"Can I get a glass of white zinfindel?" (female) - I'm easy.
"Can I get a glass of white zinfindel?" (male) - I'm gay.
"Ever try a body shot?" (male to female) - I am even willing to do a tequila shot if it means that I get to lick you.
"Ever try a body shot?" (female to male) - If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the ride home?
"Look at that girl leaving with 5 guys." - Take a good look now because next time you see that face it will be on the back of a milk carton.
"I don't feel well, lets go home." (female) - You are paying more attention to your friends than me.
"I don't feel well, lets go home." (male) - I'm horny.
"I've had like 10 beers already." - I've only had 3, but I need an excuse to behave this way.
"Who's got the next round?" - I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.
"I'm getting my life back together." - Are you kidding? Would I be wasted in a place like this if I had my act together? I'm a mess; fear and avoid me like the plague.
"Excuse me." (male to male) - Get out of the way.
"Excuse me." (male to female) - I am going to grope you now.
"Excuse me." (female to male) - Don't even think about groping me, just get out of the way.
"Excuse me." (female to female) - Move your butt. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not all that, missy, and don't think for one minute that you are. Coming in here dressing like a ho... Get your eyes off of my man, or I'll slap you like the slut you are.
"I'm out of here, I have to work in the morning." - I owe that guy who just walked in the door 100 bucks and have been avoiding him since football season.
"What do you have on tap?" - What's cheap?
"Can I have a white Russian?" (male) - I'm really gay.
"Can I have a white Russian?" (female) - I'm really easy.
"You go ahead, I'll catch a cab." - I already lined up a ride home with your ex-girlfriend.
"That person looks really familiar." - Did I sleep with him/her?
"Can I just get a glass of water?" (female) - I'm annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.
"Can I just get a glass of water?" (male) - It's 9:00 am and I just stopped drinking about 90 minutes ago. Hell, I probably dropped half of my paycheck in here last night, it's the least you can do for me.
"Do you have any Wild Turkey?" - I want to make my friend really sick so we can all laugh at him in the morning.
"I don't have my ID on me." (female) - I'm 19.
"I don't have my ID on me." (male) - I don't have a license since I got pulled over and blew a 0.4 last time I was in here.
"It's OK, I'll just go home with him/her." - There's a good chance my life will end up as the Monday Night Shocker on NBC.
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