1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper
according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see
your husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and
rush to the bathroom.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out
your gut so that you can complain and whine even more
about how you're getting fat.
4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, arm cloth, leg cloth,
long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo
with 83 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo
with 83 added vitamins.
7.Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner
enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave in hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes
until red raw.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes
as you must make sure that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but
decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your husband flushed the toilet and
you lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold
spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small
African Country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack
with nails./tweezers if found.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel
on head.
18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed
areas and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half
getting dressed. |
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