Absentee - A missing golf peg.
Acquaintence - A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enought to lend to.
Adamant - The very first insect.
Adolescence - The stage between puberty and adultery.
Afternoon - The part of the day spent working out how you wasted the morning.
Airhead - What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a traffic cop.
Alcohol - A liquid good for preserving almost anything except secrets.
Alimony - The cost of living.
Amnesia - Condition that enables a woman who has gone through childbirth to have sex again.
Appellate - Hamster food.
Autobiography - A car's log book.
Bacteria - Back door to the cafeteria.
Balderdash - A rapidly receeding hairline.
Barium - What docors do when the treatment fails.
Baseball - Twelve minutes of excitement crammed into three hours.
Bore - A man, who, when asked how he is, tells you.
Cannibal - Someone who is fed up with people.
Coffee - A person who is coughed upon.
Committee - A group of the unwilling, chosen from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.
Consciousness - That annoying time between naps.
Constipation - To have and to hold.
Dancing - A perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
Dilate - To live long.
Dust - Dehydrated mud.
Easy - A term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.
Experience - The name men give their mistakes.
Feedback - The result when a baby doesn't like the strained carrots.
Flatulence - The effect of sitting on your glasses.
Gentleman - A man who, when his wife drops her knitting, kicks it over to her so that she can easily pick it up.
Grandparents - The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not rasising them right.
Gross ignorance - 144 times worse than ordinary ignorance.
Hairdresser/'s - A place where some women go to dye.
Happiness - An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
Hick - A person who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.
Impotence - Nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings".
Independent - How we want our children to be, as long as they do everything we say.
Jazz - Five men on the same stage all playing a different tune.
Lecture - Means of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the student without passing through the minds of either.
Morbid - Highest offer.
Mother-in-law - A woman who desroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Originality - Undectected plagiarism.
Paradox - Two physicians.
Pessimist - Someone who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.
Pharmacist - A helper on a farm.
Philosopher - A person who confuses you sufficiently to make you believe he knows what he's talking about.
Ploarize - What penguins see with.
Procrastination - Art of keeping up with yesterday.
Protein - In favor of young people.
Reindeer - A horse with a hatrack.
Secret - Something you tell to one person at a time.
Stalemate - A husband who has lost his ardour.
Stress - When you wake up screaming and realizing you haven't fallen asleep yet.
Syntax - A way by which you pay for your misdemeanors.
Toad - What happens to an illegally parked frog.
Tomcat - A ball bearing mouse trap.
Transvestite - A guy who likes to eat, drink and me Mary.
Upper crust - A lot of crumbs held together with dough.
Wedding ring - The world's smallest handcuffs.
Writ - Past tense of write.
Yawn - An honest opinion openly expressed.
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines. |
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