The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning
about a new virulent strain of sexually transmitted
disease.
This disease is contracted through dangerous and high
risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim
(pronounced "gonna re-elect him").
Many victims have contracted it after having been
screwed for the past 4 years, in spite of having taken
measures to protect themselves from this especially
troublesome disease.
Cognitive sequelae of individuals infected with
Gonorrhea Lectim include, but are not limited to:
Antisocial personality disorder traits; delusions of
grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor; chronic
mangling of the English language; extreme cognitive
dissonance; inability to incorporate new information;
pronounced xenophobia; inability to accept
responsibility for actions; exceptional cowardice
masked by acts of misplaced bravado; uncontrolled
facial smirking; ignorance of geography and history;
tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies;
and a strong propensity for categorical, all-or
nothing behavior.
The disease is sweeping Washington. Naturalists and
epidemiologists are amazed and baffled that this
malignant disease originated only a few years ago in a
Texas Bush. |
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