* The doors are never locked.
* The Call to Worship is, "Y'all come on in!"
* People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark.
* The Preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys stand up.
* The restroom is outside.
* Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday.
* A member requests to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, "I ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get me out of."
* In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of "two calves."
* Never in its entire 100-year history has one of its pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables.
* When it rains, everybody's smiling.
* Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service.
* A singing group is known as "The O.K. Chorale."
* The church directory doesn't have last names.
* The pastor wears boots.
* Four generations of one family sit together in worship every Sunday.
* The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer and then only so their neighbors can't leave them a bag of squash.
* There is no such thing as a "secret'' sin.
* Baptism is referred to as "branding.''
* There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank.
* Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.
* You miss worship one Sunday morning and by 2 o'clock that afternoon you have had a dozen phone calls inquiring about your health.
* High notes on the organ set dogs in the parking lot to howling.
* People wonder when Jesus fed the 5,000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.
* It's not heaven, but you can see heaven from there.
* The final words, of the benediction are, "Y'all come on back now, ya hear!" |
|
