Funny Business Terms
Common Business Phrases - What They Really Mean
Note and Initial - Let's spread the responsibility for this.
Consultant (or Expert) - Any ordinary guy more than 50 miles from home.
See Me, or Let's Discuss - Come down to my office, I'm lonesome.
For your approval, please - Put your neck on the chopping board for me please.
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What Entrepreneur's Say vs What They Really Mean
Too early to tell - Results to date have been grim
The ingredients are there - Given two years, we might find a workable strategy
Limited downside - It can't get much worse
Window of opportunity - Without more money, the company is dead
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High Tech Marketing Buzzwords - What They Really Mean
IT'S HERE AT LAST! - Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming
DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had big argument with distributor
RE-DESIGNED - Previous faults corrected, we hope...
HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it
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What Employment Ads Really Mean
"Competitive Salary" - We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"Join Our Fast Paced Company" - We have no time to train you.
"Must be Deadline Oriented" - You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"Duties will Vary" - Anyone in the office can boss you around.
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What Job Applicants Really Mean
I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK: I blame others for my mistakes.
I AM ADAPTABLE: I've changed jobs a lot.
I AM ON THE GO: I'm never at my desk.
I INTERACT WELL WITH CO-WORKERS: I've been accused of sexual harassment.
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Travel Agent Terms vs What They Really Mean
Bird Watchers Paradise - means your car's paint will never be the same.
Romantic means no phone in room.
Standard means sub-standard.
Minutes from... means by plane.
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Realtor Terms vs What They Really Mean
SOPHISTICATED CITY LIVING - Next to a noisy bar.
WIDE OPEN FLOOR PLAN - Previous owner removed supporting walls.
NEEDS TLC - Major structural damage.
COZY - No room larger than 9 x 6.
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What Engineers Say vs What They Really Mean
A number of different approaches are being tried. - We don't know where we're going, but we're moving.
Developped after years of intensive research. - It was discovered by accident.
Test results were extremely gratifying. - It works, and boy are we surprised !
The entire concept is unworkable. - The only guy who understood the thing just quit.
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What Scientists Really Mean
"It has long been known" - I didn't look up the original reference.
"Of great theoretical and practical importance" - Interesting to me.
"It is believed that" - I think
"Correct within an order of magnitude" - Wrong
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When A Policeman says vs What They Really Mean
While on routine patrol... / I was in the car because the coffee shop was closed.
I observed the suspect acting in a suspicious manner. / The dirt-bag let go with an "oink" when I walked by.
Further interview of the witness was impossible due to conditions. / It was my bowling night.
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What Professors/Teachers Mean
This won't be on the test / Nap time!.
Attendance is required and will be counted in your grade. / I'm so boring, no one would show up otherwise.
Let's go over the exam. Half of you failed.
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