| I am on a quest to the deepest darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for a may not return alive. |
| You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear. |
| "Dude, where's my car? Where's your car dude? Seriously dude, where's my car? I dunno dude, where's your car? Dude, I think I lost my car, this may take a while!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH dude, ostriches are attacking your car,oh cheeznack get the hell off it you llamas!!!! |
| "today we salute you, stressed out college student during exam week. as you sit in your lonely cubical in the library, doped up on starbucks & aderol, you think to yourself, am i ever going to need to know this sh!t in life? the distractions are tempting and you have suddenly diagnosed yourself with ADD along with advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage, i'm sure by now you know exactly what everyone is doing because you have checked your buddy list 800 times. christmas break is just days away, and your prozac prescription will be in tomorrow. so crack open an ice cold bud light after that last exam, because for most of us, christmas will be spent in rehab..." |
| %n has just recieved the Amish computer virus. Since the Amish do not have computers, it is based strictly on the honor system. Please delete all files on your computer. Thank you for your cooperation. |
| %n My Friend Visited Another Galaxy,and All l Got Was This Away Message !O:-):-D:-P:-D:-P |
| *POOF*^ Just Like that I'm gone ~! |
10 Reasons to Date a Hockey Player
1. They always wear protection
2. They have great hands
3. They are used to scoring
4. They have great stamina
5. They find the opening and get it in
6. They never miss the target
7. They know how to use their wood
8. They have long sticks
9.They know when to play rough
10. Because baseball players only know how to hit balls. |
| 668-9911.......... thats the # to my eye doctor's office, because you can't see the YELLOW note pad in front of my s/n |
| 84.1% of all statistics are made up on the spot. |
| :-) :-) I smile because I don't know what's going on :-) :-) |
| ? OuT oF mY mInD! Be BaCk In 5!? |
| A day without sunshine is like... night. |
| A rabbi, a priest, and a duck walked into a bar. The bartender looked up and said, "What is this? A joke?" |
| A rejected invention:Instant water! just add water! |
| A wise monkey never messes with another monkey's monkey. |
| Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! My house is on fire!!! Must....save....computer.... kinda preoccupied at the moment, please leave message, oh yeah, and call 911, must....save......computer...... |
| Ahhh I'm running after the bad guy who took my pack of Skittles..... I worked hard for that pack..... Ahhh he's eating them!!! Now he's throwing them at me.... Call 911!!! |
| Alright 10% done. Now 20. Wow, I can't wait..... Wait it stopped...HEY! Why did you send me a message? I was waiting for that naked picture of Jennifer Lopez ! |
| Am I here? I'm not sure. Leave a message and I might get back to you. |
| An error has occured in trying to IM (your sn) please restart your computer and try again |
| An Error Occurred. File inaccessible |
| Are you aware of the discovery in the human body of a nerve that connects the eyeball to the asshole? It is called the anal optic nerve. It is responsible for giving people a sh*tty outlook on life. If you don't believe me, pulla hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye. |
| Are you mad at me? If not, press Alt+F4. |
| Are you too gullible? We can cure you! Send $1,000 to... |
| At last! My plans for world domination are complete! MAHAHAHAA? Oh look, something shiney? |
| Attention! Attention %n ! This is a National alert. Food was spilled from the cat bowl. We've sent out clean up teams to correct this mess. Hopefully we can do something about it. Before it's too late! |
| Away messages are stupid dont ask me why I have this stupid away message up? Well I dunno give me a good away message and I'll think about putting it up here...i'm wating... |
| Back in my day, we had to walk 5 miles in the snow to tell people we were away from our computers. |
| Be right back, thinking of an away message. |
| Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, youre a mile away and you have their shoes. See ya when i get back...... |
| Behold the mighty...chihuahua? |
| Beware of the little green men in pink tights. They run fast and can jump out of nowhere. I am running away from them right now. |
| Bored? Go to bored.com |
| BrB, thinking of an away message. |
| Busy polking my neighbor with a spork. be back soon shes really old and wrinkly this is fun muahahaha |
| Chase a squirrel cause trees need hugs! |
| Checking away messages. It's like stalking, but no one knows you are doing it. I even have people's names on my buddy list that I don't know, but I hear they have really good away messages. Some people really put their all into away messages. There are the people who document their every move: "I am taking a shower, but when I get out, I am going to pee, shave, and then iron my pants. Call me if you need me before I go to the mall at 2pm." Then there's the creative one: "I am away from my computer right now." And of course there's that one from the really cool guy: "Yo its friday night, I am drunk, and not sittin up lookin at away messages" Funny how that guy never seems to go idle. |
| Confusius say: Man who eat jelly beans fart in technicolor |
| Congratulations! You've qualified for the platinum card! To collect your prize please hold the line for the next available operator! |
| CRIPLE FIGHT!!! - South Park |
| Dance my little puppets, Dance! - God |
| Did anyone ever ask you if your fridge was running? Well someone just asked me, and now I'm running down the street trying to catch it. Be back as soon as I catch it and drag it back to my house. :-) |
| Did you hear the joke about the guy who tried messaging %n, but all they got was an away message? |
| Did you hear the story about the guy who tried IMing another person and but all he got was an away message? |
| Did you know by reading this message you have wasted 14 seconds of your life? |
| Do do? do do? do do do do do do do do do do do do - I'm a shark :) |
| Do I know you? |
| Do NoT Type like Tis... It MaKeS you LoOk ReT@RdEd. |
| Do Re Me Beer Dough: The stuff that buys me beer Ray: The guy who sells me beer Me: The one who drinks the beer Far: a long run to get the beer So: .I'll have another beer La: .I'll have another beer |
| Do you have any idea how hard it is to find lumps of partially dissolved cocnut powder in Antarctica? |
| Do you yahoo? I sure as hell don't. -leave a msg |
| Doing something, none of your business, stop IM'ing me!I said stop! Geez, bbl! |
| Don't ever attempt a staring contenst with a brick wall, they cheat a lot |
| Don't hate me cause im beautiful, hate me cause ur boyfriend thinks I am |
| Don't make me mad......I'm known to bite at random!!! |
| Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls. |
| Don't Worry!, I don't know where I am either. |
| Don't you get so annoyed when people leave away messages? I mean, if they're away, why don't they just sign off? Stupid people. |
| Don't you hate it when people leave away messages that don't tell where they are or when they'll be back? Hi, this is No One, and No One is here right now, so No One will be back soon. |
| Don't you love the way when you stop at a red light and it turns green....you just go? |
| Dont trip....Or you'll fall for me! =) |
Dr. Seuss' lost tounge twister
see if you can do this:
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dumbass cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top. Betcha you can't resist passing it on. |
| Email me at (email address) while I'm away with all emails including love letters and death threats...why is it I always get more death threats than love letters (c'mon people spread the love) |
| Error 405: Reality.sys corrupted. Universe halted. Reboot (y/n)? |
| Everyone always has those special, thoughtful, crackup, cleaver away messages that make you laugh or think so hard you are tempted to take it and use it for your own. This is mine. Be back later... |
| Feeding my pet old person right now...be back later! |
| Fire ants don't make good pets. If they have a bad day they take it out on you, it's really self centred of them |
Firefighter: At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well...basically... your house burned even faster.
-Warning label on a fax machine |
| Firstly, I am always right. In the event I'm wrong, see rule one |
| Following the yellow brick road......Damn munchkins! |
| For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. |
| Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view. |
| Gettin arrested, back in a few years |
| Getting a tattoo on my butt that says "I Love %n" |
| Girls are like computers, they like to be turned on!!! |
| Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the net and he won't bother you for weeks. |
| Gone to watch %n through their window. |
| Ground Rules: Don't touch me, Don't stare at me, Don't talk to me |
| Hang on, on the phone to tech support. These guys are so funny - just keep saying, "I'm sorry, I don't understand" and they get really mad :P |
| Has your mind ever just gone blank? Well sometimes that happens to me and...WHAT? What was I talking about? My mind just went blank. |
| Have no fear, I'm not here. |
| Having a staring contest with my wall... *BLINK* "dammit!!!!!" |
| He who laughs last, thinks slowest. |
| Heaven doesn't want me... But Hell's afraid I'll take over! |
| hello %n, im a little busy, if it's an emergency, call 911 |
| Hello little %n. I've got candy if you'll get into my van |
| Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you. |
| Hello, you have reached %n's away message, your message will be answered to in the order in which it was recieved, your message is number 1,645,845 , please hold, your message is important to me. |
| Hello, you have reached the automated answering service for YOUR SCREEN NAME , your message will be answered to in the order in which it was recieved, your message is number 8,243, please hold, your message is important to me. |
| Hello. You have reached The Autopsy-IM. If you are already cut open, Press 1.If you are ordering a new body, Press 2.If you are ordering a cut body, Press 3.If you are picking up a body, Press 4.If you chose none of the options above, please stay on the IM. You will soon be tracked down and picked up in a nice cozy black 'sleeping-bag'.Have a nice day and thank you for choosing Autopsy IM! |
| Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message. |
| Hello. You have reached YOUR SCREEN NAME. If you wish to talk to me, IM me several hundred times until you get a response. |
| HELP ME!!!!! I'M BEING CHASED BY A KILLER AFLAC DUCK. QUACK. HELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP |
| Help! I've fallen and can't reach my mouse! |
| Help!ican'tfindthespacebar |
| Hey %n I am not at my computer right now cause while I was away my computer ran away, so I am chaseing it right now. If you see me go past your house running after a computer, put up this away message and come and help me! |
| hey %n I'm not here right now because my internet got disconnected... |
| hey %n I've got candy. Get into my van. |
| Hey %n! Sorry but I'm kinda busy lookin in your window. Talk to me when I get back to my computer. |
| Hey %n, if I wanted to hear from an asshole right now then I would have farted! |
| Hey everyone, I'm not here right now so if you would leave your reason for IM'ing me when you saw that I had an away message up, I will get back to you as soon as possible... |
| Hey I'll be back in 5 minutes but if I'm not just read this away message again. |
| Hey I'll be back when the time reaches 6:66 not to sure when that will be but I will be back whenever it happens I have been here for 3 days now and still no hope for the time, but I promise i'll be back whenever it reaches 6:66 |
| Hey! What are you looking at? Haven't you ever seen someone pick their nose before? Geez...give me some privacy |
| Hey, did you hear that joke about the cat and the girl ?...... Yeah that was a great joke! |
| Hey, I don't know why this Away Message is on right now I just put it on. Good bye |
| Hey, I'm having a party right now! We have a DJ who rocks the house, a dance floor, plenty of food, and all the kewl people. If you IMing me, obivously you weren't invited! |
| Hey, I'm not here right now but if you see %n, tell them I found their missing underwear |
| Hey, just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean I |
| Hey...I'd loved to chat and all, but I'm too busy chasing the furry little men around my room.... |
| Hi, (YOUR NAME HERE) is not here right now, but I'll be happy to provide you with a one sided conversation with his/her computer. |
| Hi. This is (YOUR SCREEN NAME)'s computer...he/she is away, but I'm open for suggestions! |
| Hi... Now you say something !!:-D8-):-P |
| Hold on I have a big booger hanging in my nose. I will get back to you when I am done picking it. |
| How about you leave me a message and I ignore you? Sound good? |
| How can you keep an idiot busy? Click Here to find out... |
| How do blind people find those dots for reading when they don't know where it is? |
| How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I'll get back to you... |
| How do you kill a purple elephant? Use a purple elephant gun. How do you kill a gray elephant? Strangle it until it turns purple and then shoot it with the purple elephant gun. |
| I ' m a l i t t l e s p a c e d o u t r i g h t n o w , b e b a c k w h e n I ' m a l l together! |
| I am an evil poptart [::]! I am out collecting sprinkles for my breakfasty self. |
| I am at my th-peech impediment cla-th. Learning how to get rid of my li-th-p. |
| I am away right now, so please leave your name, number, and a message, after you hear the tone... |
| I am just putting this away message because everyone else is doing it. |
| I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect! |
I am not currently available right now. However, if you would like to be transfered to another correspondent, please press the number that best fits your personality:
-If you are obsessive compulsive, please press "1" repeatedly.
-If you are codependant, please ask someone to press "2".
-If you have multiple personalitites, please press "3", "4", and "5".
-If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace your call.
-If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the little voice will tell you which number to press.
-If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter what number you press, no one will answer.
|
| I am not here at the moment please leave a message after the beep. shut the *BEEP* up! |
| I am not here because I am engaged in a game of hide-and-go-seek with my imaginary friend. I will be back as soon as he finds me. Do not count on me being back soon, because it's hard for me to imagine him finding me because I'm such a good hider. |
| I am not here but if you would like to leave a message on my voice mail Press F1 then f8 and enter 13 times!!Thankz |
| I am on a quest to the deepest darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for a may not return alive. |
| I am right 90% of the time. So why worry about the other 3%? |
| I am spinning in my computer chair, getting all dizy. Send a message to make this mayhem stop! |
| I am suffering from a severe case amnesia. I am suffering from a severe case of amnesia. I am suffering from a severe case of amnesia... |
| I am the away message who is supposed to entertain you while this dumb person is gone. |
| I can talk right now cuz I'm in Afghanistan playing don't drop the hand grenade with Usama Bin Laden. |
| I did what they say and chose the road less traveled.... Now where the heck am I? |
| I do what cheerios tell me. |
| I don't pay you to think hot lips...in fact I don't pay you at all...COUNT IT! -Peter Griffin- |
I don't suffer from addiction to Billie Joe Armstrong........i enjoy every second of it!
....im off watching him on tv, I think my face is glued to the screen. this might take a while........... |
| I dropped my keyboard when I find it I'll get back to you. |
| I fell out of my chair... this could take awhile. |
| I hate it when someone asks me "If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?" So, I'm on my way to go jump off a bridge because I wanted to be a trend setter and jump off the bridge first. I won't be jumping just because everyone else did! |
| I hate short away messages. |
| I have a secret to tell you... I'm away from my computer right now. |
| I have been temporarily distracted by a shiny object. |
| I intend to live forever. So far, so good. |
| I just farted and it stinks so I'm going to be away from the computer until the stench goes away. |
| I just fell off my keyboard while surfing the web, I'll be right back. |
| I just finished hanging a poster of %n over my bed, and now I am just praying that it will fall down on top of me. |
| I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! |
| I m a l i t t l e s p a c e d a t t h e m o m e n t b e b a c k w h e n i c a n p u l l m y s e l f b a c k t o g e t h e r |
| I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other, and when I am alone I am together. |
| I need to feed my pet leprechaun, so I can get the gold at the end of the rainbow, so just sit back and relax...This may take a while..... |
| I obviously have an away message up because I am ignoring you so why dont you give me a break and just leave me the hell alone!!! Thanks have a nice day. |
| I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'. |
| I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again. |
| I smile because I don't know what's going on :) |
| I still miss my ex, but I'm getting better at AIM! |
| I think that getting struck by lightning is the worst way to die. Its like God's drive by shooting. |
| I threw rocks at the campus clown again, so if the police show up at your door, we never had this conversation... |
| I used to hate it when aunts and grandmas, used to come up to me at weddings and pinch my cheeks and say "Your next" "Your next". Well they stopped doin that crap when i started to do it to them at funerals. BRB |
| I want you..............I need you..............to leave a message |
| I wanted to kill the sexiest person alive? But suicide's a crime |
| I was about to conquer the world but then I got distracted by something shiny. |
| I went to Tickle a Pickle for a Nickle. |
| I wish I were you so I could be friends with me. |
| I'll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib ab |
| I'll be back when I can get my head from between the rail in my stair case. |
| I'm a little teapot short and stout; here is my hande, here is my...other handle? Shit, i'm a sugar bowl! |
| I'm away but if I told you were I was I would have to kill you buh bye!! |
| I'm away but the man with the gun to my head said I can't tell you why. *gulp* help.... |
| I'm away right now. I'm bartending at a MMADD meeting right now so talk to you later bye. |
| I'm away(mentally, not physically). |
| I'm away... This away message would have been a lot wittier if I I were smarter. |
| I'm bartending at an AA meeting..bbl |
| I'm busy right now but leave your name and number so I can throw it away. |
| I'm busy right now, and if I tell you what I'm doing, then I'd have to kill you!! |
| I'm doing something really important right now. I'm spinning in my computer chair, be with you when I can see straight again......"PLease stop the room from spinning, I'd like to get off |
| I'm having a karate competetion between me and the person on the other side of my mirror. Be back when I win. |
| I'm having a staring contest with the wall. It's harder than I thought! Anyway, when I win, I'll be back. |
| I'm hearing voices in my head and they don't like you! |
| I'm in the back yard hunting sharks. |
| I'm knocking on heavens door.. *voice in back round* Knocking? You very nearly broke the bloody thing down!! *me* That wasnt my fault!!! It was poor constrution..... I SWEAR!! Dont look at me like that... |
| I'm not available right now so please leave your name, number, and address and I will STALK you later. |
| I'm not here right now because my dog just ate my mouse and I'm waiting for him to poop it back out. |
| I'm not here right now but if you scream really loud into your monitor I might be able to hear you! |
| I'm not here right now, but if you'd like to reach me on my cell phone... buy me a cell phone. |
| I'm not paraniod... but I know that you think I am. |
| I'm not talented enough to scratch my butt and type at the same time. |
| I'm not talented enough to type and pick my nose at the same time. |
| I'm on a mission to save the world (I can't believe they trusted me with this). |
| I'm out driving with my keys in an electrical outlet... |
| I'm out like a dog in a chinese restaurant. |
| I'm out...If you need to reach me call 1-800-I-Need-A-Life |
| I'm playing hide n seek with Bin Laden damn he is good! So it might be a while. |
| I'm playing hide-and-go-seek. Try to find me. |
| I'm puttin on a clown suit and walkn up and down the street!!! This is a kodak..MOMENT!.. |
| I'm riding the ponies outside WalMart. Be back when I run out of quarters. |
| I'm right 90% of the time, so why worry about the other 3%? |
| I'm sitting right at my computer, you can IM me but I'm too lazy to respond at the present time. |
| I'm somewhere over the rainbow. |
| I'm sorry the number you are trying to reach is no longer in service or has been temporarily disconnected......Please hang up and try your call again..... if you believe you have reached this recording in error you may hang up then dial the operator! |
| I'm sorry, did you say chinese food? |
| I'm stalking you, that?s why I'm not here. |
| I'mhavingtechnicalissuesatthemommentbackinafew |
| If a tree falls in the woods... Do all the other trees laugh at it? |
| If con is the opposite of pro, what's the opposite of progress? |
| If I'm not back in 10 minutes, avenge my death. |
| If life gives you lemons, throw them at some one! |
| If the away message is a rockin...don't come a knockin! |
| If This Message Appears On Your Screen, You Win Our Famous 'I Want To Live In A Farm With Hens' Contest !!! Thanks For Playing %n This Moment Is In History It's %t And 2day Is %d |
| If you are a man, let's have a show of hands. Who here is female, let's have a show of hands. Who here is an idiot? Great. Now put your hands down, everybody. |
| If you are more then 80% addicted to aol instant messenger, call 1-800-i-need-a-life. |
| If you go to your friends house and ask were the bathroom is and they say down the hall second tree to the left They must be poor. |
| If you press F1 and then F2 and then tab over you will be able to hear my voice through your speakers. Repeat 10 times. |
| If you really want something in this life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers. |
| If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. |
| If you want me to fall for you, you better get something for me to trip over. |
| If you want to know where I am call a psychic! If you're too lazy to do that just leave me a message! |
| if you were a weener i'd so totally suck you |
| If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth. |
| Im gone like %n in who wants to be a millionaire |
| Imagine, if you will, a world without hypothetical situations. |
| In my bed, care to join me? |
| Incase of fire scroll down!! . . . I said in case of a fire dummy! |
| Instructions on how to keep an idiot busy: Read instructions again. |
| Inventions rejected:fireproof matches |
| Is there a reason why you keep on IMing me? Do you need help? There is a program just for you called... Mavis Beacon! |
| Is your computer running? You better go chase it. |
| It is a dog eat dog world and I am wearing Milk Bone underwear. |
| It is better to be silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. |
| It's not you... it's me. |
| It's only funny untilsomeone gets hurt...then it's hilarious!!! |
| Its not right for people to walk around with there shirts off to show their muscles... I mean you don't see me walking around with my shorts off..... |
| Just because you aren't paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you. |
| Keep staring at the screen and maybe I'll come back. |
| Kidnapped |
| Knock knock. Who's there? No one. No one, who? No,seriously no one is here so leave me a message. |
| Knock-knock Whos there? Boo Boo who You don't have to cry, I'll be right back. |
| Kodak Moment! |
| Leave one, I'll reply in 5 minutes or less... or your money back guaranteed! (See rules for details, no purchase necessary) |
| Let's dicuss right and left... you're right, I left! :-P |
| Let's practice our right and left. You're right, I left! |
| Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking. |
| Like a fat girl in a dodgeball game.... I'm out! |
| like a fish out of water, I'm.. dry.. ou.. of... ideas.. for AIM.......... what the hell, just leave a message |
| Lost my bikini top surfing the web... hold on while I go and find it! |
| Lost... |
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you!
Woman: But would you stay there?? |
| Mommie, is that you? |
| MONKEY SEE MONKEY DO!!!!!!I SEE BUT WHATTA DO? |
| My box that was holding my pet fire ants broke.. so im running around the house trying to find em all.. |
| My Braces Are Stuck To The Carpet... |
| My dog ran away with my keyboard and I'm out trying to catch him. |
| My dog thinks I'm crazy. I'll be back when I'm done arguing with him. |
| My dogs head is stuck in the door! Wait! I don't have a dog so once I figure out what is stuck in the door I'll get back to you. |
| My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems. |
| My lawyer has told me to reply "no comment" as to my current whereabouts. |
| My pants are burning..... |
| My pants are burning? Should I take them off? |
| My parole officer needs to use the computer. |
| Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Never argue with me, I'll drag you down to my level and beat you with a bat. |
| Never take advice from somebody else. - somebody else |
| Nice Monologue %n .. Just Keep On... |
| Note: Away messages are not accessible through AOL Instant Messenger. |
| Oh I'm sorry this isn't (your name), it's the AOL support line...the wait to speak to an attendant is 4 days, 3 hours, and 5.9 seconds, but please wait...your call is very important to us...thanx and have a nice day! |
| Oh no! The commercials are true! The slim jim man really is alive and he is in my stomache flirting with my cupcake! |
| Oh shut up already, stop your whining - God |
| OHHH. Shiny object. So pretty............ |
| ok ppl it's time to think outside the box this is the box [] u need to be here [] |
| Okay I'm back now, what did I miss? Oh shit! - God |
| Okay, I have an idea. How about I just put up an away message, and make it seem like I have a life, even though I'm probably sitting at the computer... rocking back and forth, humming the theme to Sesame Street... |
| OMG! %n just ran into a pole...This may take a while? |
| On my way to my computer I went to sit down but missed the chair, fell on my head and dropped unconscious. And when I came to this away message came up. So leave a message. Oh, and can you tell %n that I found his underwear. |
| Only fools leave away messages. |
| Only stalkers look at other people's away messages! |
| Out of my mind. Back in 5 minutes. |
| Out playing hide-and-go-seek with bin ladin...EVERYONE HELP ME FiND HIM!!! |
| People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. |
| People that scan away messages for entertainment are pathetic. Let me know if you find any good ones. |
| Pet Food Only - Not For Human Congestion |
| Picking the fuzz off my sock, be back when I'm done. |
| Play Boy has done Girls of Wal-Mart & Girls of McDonald's ... If playboy was to do a "Girls of My AIM Buddy List" ...Who would participate? |
| Please hold for the next avalible represenative... that would be me, but I am not here so please continue to hold. |
| Please leave a message at the beep. If you don't hear a beep please leave! |
| Please read this away message then go away. |
| Probably the most depressing thing in the world is having to do homework... Well, no, actually. There are probably lots of things more depressing than homework. Like running over a cute puppy dog. --------Im sorry i jumped to conclusions so quick and said that homework was the most depressing thing. ------- It still sucks, though. |
| Procrastination is the thief of time... I'll finish this away message some other time. |
| Quick! Everyone IM %n! |
| Real Men of Genius. Today I salute you, Mr. Compulsive Away Message Checker. While most people are out living college life, you are at home reading about it on your computer. Right-mouse-clicking and Getting Buddy Info, or even using the little Info icon at the bottom of your Buddy List. Sure there are people on your list that you haven't talked to in years, and would probably consider you a stalker for keeping them there, but that doesn't stop you from reading their away messages...EVERY DAY. So click open a fresh new Buddy Info window, Marauder of the Mousepad, and don't wander too far from your computer...because you never know when someone will be back. |
| Remember, %n, that when someone annoys you it takes 32 muscles in your faceto frown, but only 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that mofo upside the head.:-D |
| Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. |
| Repetition Repetition Repetition Repetition Repetition Repetition Repetition is a sign of stupidity. |
| Right now I'm dancing in front of a full length mirror in spiderman underwear. I could really use some music.... |
| Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. |
| Right now,i'm sitting on my couch,watching t.v., eating,and getting fat.........no surprise there! |
| Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. |
| Roses are red, violets are blue, most poems rhyme, but this one doesn't. I suck at poetry, and creative away messages, so leave me one if it's important. |
| Roses are redViolets are blueSome away messages rhyme, and some don't. |
Rules of me:
#1. i am always right
#2, just in case i am wrong see rule #1 |
| Running around robbing banks all whacked out on scooby snacks. |
| Save the trees, Nuke the whales! |
Say this real fast.
I am we todd did.
Sofa king we todd did. |
| Screw Hotsauce...I'm the hottest stuff on this earth! ;-) |
| Shhh, I was never here... |
| Shhhhh! I'm hiding from %n...Damn! How did you find me?? |
| Shhhhhh..........Im tring to avoid %n......dont tell them though.........OMG, how did you find me?! |
| Since the world is going to end in about 5 minutes..how bout me and you confess our love to each other and make love on my couch? |
| Sitting in a corner thinking about what I have done. |
| Smart people like me don't use away messages... I am so smart! |
| Somebody told me to change my away message so I did. |
| Someday my prince will come he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions. |
| Sometimes it is better to keep your mouth shut to refrain from sounding stupid than to open it and remove all doubt. |
| Sometimes my mind wanders...but I can't get it back... Don't worry you can still talk to me. |
| Soory my cat has the mouse? |
| Sorry I am being Chased by 6 Penguins and they seem to want my ButterFinger but damnit they can't have it. So I will be back after I have run them over with my Barbie Car. |
| Sorry, I only listen to the little voices inside my head... |
| Sorry, I'm not here right now. Feel free to talk to the computer as long as you like. I'll get back to you later. |
| Sory speelcheck isnt werking so my speling isnt up too par... |
| Sry my cat has the mouse........... |
| Standing on train tracks, don't worry, a train won't hi.. |
| Suicide Hotline... please hold |
| Support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have! |
| Take a few chances you wish you had later, live life a little more, fear a little less, and remember, When life gives you lemons, throw them back and tell life to MAKE ITS OWN DAMN LEMONADE! |
| Talking to me while i'm away is like talking to a deaf person and expecting results. |
| That which does not kill me had better run pretty darn fast. |
| thats right ladies, I'm optimizing my hardrive, :-* don't all call at once Grrrrrr |
| The first time I was chatting with someone online, they asked me "asl?" I tried to sound it out and got realy ticked of and started warning them because I thought they were calling me an asshole. |
| The Only thing worse than people who keep themselves up to date by reading the away messages are those who leave the long detailed messages of where they are. I got news for you no one cares!! |
| The owner of this screen name is away from the computer right now; you are talking to their older brother; Please feel free to tell me all your juicy secrets though.... |
| The screen name "%n" currently has a virus. If you are in contact with this name please notify AOL immediatly. |
| The screen name "%n" currently has a virus. If you are in contact with this name please notify your service provider immediately. |
| The sky was dark, The moon was high, We were alone, just her and I, Her hair was brown, her eyes were too I knew just what she wanted to do, So with my courage I did my best, I placed my handupon her breast, I trembled and shook and felt her heart, Slowly she spread her leags apart, I knew she was ready, But I didnt know how, It was my first try, At milking a cow. |
| The voices inside my head, don?t like you. So go away! |
| The word of the day is "legs" I'll go spread the news |
| The world is coming to an end. Please log off |
| The zoo called....they want you back in the cages with the other monkeys!! |
| There are 3 kind of people in the world. Those who can count and those who can't |
| There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count. Which of the three are you? |
| There are three things I hate in this world: 1) Lame away messages. 2) People who can't count. |
| There is a smurf at my door and i have many questions to ask him...like what color his face turns when he holds his breath...bb when i'm done! |
| There's a light at every tunnel, just pray it?s not a train. |
| Think about it? Will they ever give the Tricks bunny some cereal? " Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids!" or leave the leprochon alone?" they stole me lucky charms!" Life is just not fair! Even the bunnies get screwed! |
| Think of it this way...I dont want to talk to you. |
| This away message is here to keep you company. |
| This away message with self-destructed in: 5 4 3 2 1 Just Kidding! |
| This is (your sreen name): If you are the credit card company, I already sent the money. If you are one of my friends, you owe me money. If you are female, don't worry, I have plenty of money. |
| This is a sad and funny away message. The sad thing is you're IMing me expecting me to read your message and return. The funny thing is that I'm at my computer desk laughing the whole thing up right now. |
| This is a sad and funny away message. The sad thing is you're IMing me thinking that I'm going to respond and the funny thing is that I'm sitting in front of the computer staring at the screen rolling on the floor laughing watching you IM me. |
| This is you know who at you know where. Please leave a you know what after the you know what. I think you know how... |
| This place reeks of evil. Either that, or it's sausage... Nope, I'm pretty sure it's evil. |
| Tickets to a Brittney concert: $54hockey mask: $14a dozen eggs: $3egging America's pop-princess: priceless |
| Tip of the Day: Don't waste your life sitting at the computer reading away messages. |
To see your future, look below...
Some person called (your screen name)will be back in a couple minutes! |
| Today we salute you, Mr. Compulsive Away Message Checker. While most people are out actually having a fun life, you are at home reading about it on your computer screen. Right mouse click, Get Buddy Info, or the little Info box at the bottom of the Buddy List. You have people on that list you haven't talked to in years, but you still loyally read their away messages every day to see what they're up to (borderline stalking). So, crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Marauder of the Mouse Pad, and don't wander too far from your computer because you never know when someone's away message may change. |
| TV is god, And im praying... |
| Two beers $7. Three margaritas $15. Four Jello shots $20. Taking home the girl who drank all of the above....PRICELESS |
| Two words guys hate... don't & stop unless you put them together! |
| Uhhhhhh................... |
| UUUUHHHHHHH I'M PATRICK...........You know I'm watching Spongebob silly. |
| Walking the dog, will be back when he is finished. |
| Warning! Do not read, classified information below:I am away from my computer right now. |
WARNING! Never attempt to directly fax anyone an image of your naked buttocks. Always photocopy your buttocks and fax the photocopy.
-Warning label on a fax machine |
| WARNING: Cannot locate away message, please restart your computer and try back in 365 days. |
| Warning: Do not drink battery acid. May cause burning sensation in mouth and throat. If already congested please consult your doctor immediately or contact the poisons information hotline |
| Warning: Do not drink the battery acid. It doesn't taste good and will hurt you. Also do not bite the tires, especially while the bike is moving.Our lawyers made us put these warnings in. -In a manual for a motorcycle |
| We are all born cold, wet, and hungry... Then things get worse. |
Welcome to the ool.
...notice there is no 'P'..lets keep it that way. |
| What do I look like, a news channel? |
| What if the hokey pokey is real? What's it all about? Will we have to turn ourselves around? |
| When all is said and done more is said than done. |
| When I was younger, my parents encouraged me to walk and talk. Now, all they want me to do is sit down and shut up! |
| When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them. |
| WHEN THE MULLET IS A ROCKIN..........DON'T COME A KNOCKIN! |
| Who are you? and why are you reading my Away Message? |
| Who wrote under the bleachers: See more butts!? |
| Why do people use away messages, they're so stupid! |
| Why go away from the computer? You want me to go outside?! There are bears outside!!! |
| Yankee Doodle went to town ridin in a toyota be back later when I fetch some motor oil |
| Yo, I'm out like a fat girl in dodgeball. Hit the cell. |
You are probably doing one of these two things:
1. You think you are slick by checking my profile to see what my away message is, so you don't have to IM me and look stupid.
-or-
2. You are looking stupid because there is a little yellow post-it right next to my name, and yet you still IM me.(With the exception that I was talking to you before and now you are answering me, and in that case you are SLOW!) |
| You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear. |
| You have just recived the Amish Computer Virus. Since the Amish don't have computers, it is based on the honor system. So please delete all the files from your computer. Thank you for your cooperation! |
| You have reached my AIM answering machine. Leave me a message. Your message is currently number 5852 and I will start answering messages from number one so please wait patiently until I get to you.~Beep~ |
| You have reached the reverend (yourscreenname's) confession hotline. Please leave your sin, and I'll get back to you with a penance. Remember that a confession doesn't count unless it's a vivid, detailed, blow-by-blow description of the sin. Thank you. |
| You must first dial a 1 or a 0 before you make this call.... please hang up and try your call again! |
| You want me, huh? |
| You're not drunk if you can lay on the floor with out holding on... |
| You've reached the Department of Redundancy Department. Please leave a message and a message and I will get back to you, and I will get back to you. Thanks, thanks again. |
YOUR COMPUTER IS NOW INFECTED WITH A BAD VIRUS. But...
If you want to fix your computer, do what these directions tell you:
Type the following into your favorite write program (Microsoft Word, Notepad etc.):
Type an M
Type an I before the M
Make a space after the M
Type a P
Type a D after the P
Type an S right before the P
Type a U Before the P But after the S
Make a Space after the D
Type an R
Type An O BEFORE and AFTER the R
Go back to the begining
Type an A before the S and then make a space
Go to the end
Type an M Before the first O
Go to the middle
Type a T between the S and the U
Type an I inbetween the P and the D
Go to the very end.
Type an N
Now read the code out loud.
Your virus is gone! |
