| Im
Sorry I Wont Be In Work Today My House Set On Fire And Everything
Got Burnt |
| I
cant come into work today because my leg is stuck in the drain outside
of my house, and the rescue team haven't arrived yet to get it out. |
| I
cant come to work because I lost the house keys, I'm locked in. |
| Dave
can't come to work today because, I, his other personality has taken
over and I dont work. |
| It
is against my religion to work on Mondays and Wednesdays. |
| I
have amnesia, who r u? .........work?..............I work? |
| I'd
love to come to work today, but I got on the wrong train and I'm now
in Edinburgh. |
| I'm
just about to reach enlightenment, so I cant possibly come to work
because it will disturb my practices. |
| I
cant come to work because the aliens are coming tonight and I'm baking
cakes to give to them as peace offerings. |
| I'm
not coming to work today..... "why not?" ....... because
..... I'm not |
| I
cant come to work because they are after me!!............. "who?"
................ Ahhhhhhhh(hear shouting and bangs) ........."hello?...............??" |
| My
friend can't come into work today because I knocked him out. |
| I
saved so much money by switching to Geico I don't have to work today |
| im
sorry but my eyes are just in bad shape right now. I just cant see
myself going into work today. |
| Sorry
boss I cant go to work today because my car keys grew legs of their
own and ran off! |
| Sorry
I cannot take the job, When I was but a youngster a wise man told
me that there are two days a year that if you work you will surely
die. I was so young that I forgot to ask what those two days were
and now because of fear I cannot work any day of the year. |
| I
can't(grunt) come in to (grunt) work today, I HAVE (grunt) EXPLOSIVE
DIARREA!!!!!! |
| I'm
not sure when I'll be in to work...I am in the shower and the shampoo
bottle says to, "Lather, Rinse, Repeat." I might be here
for a loooong time. |
| I
can't come into work today, I have anal glacoma. What? I can't see
my butt coming into work!!! |
| I
dont have my work clothes so I wouldnt be coming in today |
| I'll
be late for work today becuase I was on my way to the car, and see
it was hot out so I decided I needed to take a break. |
| I
can't go to work today, because I was painting my house and I drooped
paint on the floor and have to put in a new carpet |
| im
sorry, i couldnt bring my work in on a floppy disk, i got pissed up
and jammed the disk drive by seeing how many m & ms i could fit
in |
| My
arm is too tired to shift, so I can't drive to work today |
| I
don't think i'll be able to come into work today, As i was walking
home from work yesterday a wheel came off a passing caravan and hit
me in the back. Im bed-bound and can't move. |
| I
won't be able to come into work today because i have to visit my sister
in hospital, she had an epileptic seizure as she was holding her baby,
threw the baby in front of her which i caught, she then jumped through
one of my stained glass windows and landed in my fish pond killing
the koi carp. Sorry. |
| Dear
(Who Ever) Im Sorry I Cant Come Work Today As I Fell In My Pond And
I Drowned |
| "I
just called to say I couldn't make it to work today. My computer has
a virus and I have been up all night cleaning up after and tending
to it." |
| I'll
be out today because I got stuck in traffic on the Parkway and I was
overcome by the fumes and had to go home |
| I
can't come to work today because I have an eye problem, I can't see
coming to work today |
| Sorry
I wasn't in yesterday my legs were on strike |
| I
cant come to work tomorrow its messing up my social life |
| I
can't come into work today, I'm dead. |
| "I
don't have a pencil." |
| "I
don't have test results." |
| "I
don't have paper." |
| "I
don't have equipment." |
| "I
don't have paper." |
| "I
don't have material." |
| "I
don't have resources." |
| "I
don't have personnel." |
| "I
don't have enough space." |
| "I
don't have enough time." |
| "I
don't have enough money." |
| "I
don't have the right tools." |
| "It's
not good enough." |
| "He
(or she) is not fast enough." |
| "He
(or she) is not smart enough." |
| "It's
not clean enough." |
| "It's
not the right direction." |
| "It's
not the right look." |
| "It's
not the right weight." |
| "It's
not the right thickness." |
| "It's
not the right feel." |
| "It's
not what you think." |
| "It's
not low enough." |
| "It's
not high enough." |
| "It's
not small enough." |
| "It's
not big enough." |
| "It's
not dark enough." |
| "It's
not light enough. |
| "It's
not flashy enough." |
| "It's
not bold enough." |
| "It's
not cold enough." |
| "It's
not hot enough." |
| "It's
not the right place." |
| "It's
not the right time." |
| "It's
not in the family's best interest." |
| "It's
not in the company's best interest." |
| "It's
not in our national security." |
| "It's
not our policy." |
| "It's
not the right edition." |
| "It's
not the right version" |
| "It's
not my job." |
| "I
only missed the one day but [fill in another persons name ] missed
four days in a row and you didn't say anything to them!" |
| "Oh,
you mean it's Next' Monday I have off!!" (Note: must be said with
an incredulous expression) |
| "I
couldn't find a spot to park (Note: This is often true at my workplace!)
(Editor's note: mine too!)" |
| "I
didn't see the Construction Detour sign so I drove my car straight
into four feet of hot asphalt!" |
| "I
couldn't attend the seminar because my friend's cat had kittens." |
| "I
mis-understood because my contact lens was ripped." |
| "I
prefer to remain an enigma." |
| "I
can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house
is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter
transportation." |
| "I
am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates." |
| "I
am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian." |
| "My
mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track
her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her
eternal peace. One day should do it." |
| "The
dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet." |
| "The
psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this
jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled." |
| "I
just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't
come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information." |
| "Constipation has made me a walking time bomb." |
| "Yes,
I seem to have contracted some attention deficit disorder and, hey,
how about them Hoyas, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help
you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling." |
| "I
am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant." |
| "I
have a rare case of 48 hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have
that deadline to meet..." |
| "My
stigmata's acting up." |
| "When
I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac.
I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it." |
| "If
it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices
told me to clean all the guns today." |
| "I
had a strong premonition that I shouldn't go out of the house today." |
| "I
accidentally divided by zero, and my paper went up in flames." |
| "I
couldn't do my homework because my calculator is solar powered, and
it was cloudy outside." |
| "I
have an appointment with my lawyer to discuss the laws of the Fair
Labor Standards Act in respect to my case." |
| "I
have to go to ________ to fill out some paperwork and their office
closes at 2:00 pm." |
| "If
I don't see my therapist soon, there's no telling what I might do!"
(say this with a crazed look on your face) |
| "There's a Gilligan's Island marathon coming on TV, and I have
to go home and set my VCR." |
| "I
have to have emergency split end surgery at the salon." |
| "I
was up until 3:00 am working on a procedure that would simultaneously
increase production & efficiency, and also reduce expenses. I'd
rather not discuss it until I have all the kinks worked out." (this
gives you a little time to come up with some more BS) |
| "I
really wanted to come to work this morning, but physical circumstances
wouldn't allow it." |
| "My
house is surrounded by an electromagnetic field that caused my alarm
clock to reset itself." |
| "I
was abducted by aliens on the way to work." |
| "I
was dreaming and couldn't wake up." |
| "My
internal clock's power went off during the night." |
| "The
dog had puppies in the drivers seat of my car." |
| "The
road in front of my house was closed for repair." |
| "My
cat is suffering from depression and can't be left alone." |
| "I
just wanted to see if you could get along without me, so you would
know how valuable I am to you." |
| "I
was just informed that my car has been recalled by the manufacturer
and it is unsafe to drive." |
| "My
psychic warned me not to leave the house today." |
| "When
I left the house and locked the door this morning, the key broke off
in the lock. The locksmith is out of town until Tuesday, so I can't
leave the house until then. |
| "My
dog chewed up my shoes and I couldn't very well come to work barefooted,
could I!? (use this in the winter)" |
| "My
car's battery is dead and there isn't anyone in a 50 mile radius who
has jumper cables." |
| "I'm
feeling kinda disgruntled today.... You want I should come in?" (a
favorite excuse of postal workers.) |
| "How
should I know, paper shredders look a lot like fax machines!" |
| "I
thought that paper shredder WAS the fax machine!" |
| "[Name
of new hire] had been assigned the task, but [your manager's manager]
is asking for another cost analysis, due to changed venue. I'll get
back to you on it." |
| "[Name
of employee who left the company] was originally responsible for that
task." |
| "Who,
me??? I just got back from the asylum!" |
| "I'm
sorry I can't hear you, I'm hard of hearing in that ear." |
| I
cannot come into work today because I came down with a bad case of
something or other. |
| I'll
be in late today because my cat is sick again. (This is the same person
from excuse # 123) |
| I'll
be in late this morning. I have a possum in my backyard and it's freaking
out my dog. I have to get it out before I can leave. |
| Sorry,
won't be in for 3 days. Went to see my sister off on her cruise to
Bahamas...darn ship left with me still on it.. Captain refuses to
turn back. |
| A
girl that I used to work with said she couldn't get come to work because
she'd been abducted over the weekend and needed to recover. |
| I
can't come in today because I feel sick and I can't breath because
of all the smoke in the air. |
| I'm
going to need to take a couple of day off Thursday and Friday, because
the city said I have to clean up my back yard before Monday or I'm
going to get a big fine! |
| I
can't come in today....I found a stray cat by my home this week-end
and it has really bad diarrhea and I have to take it to the vets. |
| I
won't be in to work today. My wife said she is going to conceive today,
and I want to be there when it happens. |
| A
girl I worked with called in with: "I wont be in today because my
dog has a headache, and I need to take it to the vet.." |
| My
assistant called in with this one. "I cant come to work today because
my cat is lonely and stressed out and if I don't spend quality time
with him, he will keep peeing on the furniture!" |
| I'll
be in a little late today. During the night the power must have gone
off because when I woke up my alarm clock time was flashing. And of
course I over slept. |
| I
can't come into work today. There is a cat sitting on the fence outside
more door and he won't let me out. It looks like he will attack me
if I go outside! |
| Please
excuse Henry for being late. He was stuck in the bathroom without
any toilet paper. |
| This
excuse has been used by myself several times. I'll be out today or
late, I woke up dizzy (I suffer from vertigo). |
| Work....I didn't want to be late for work again today so I
called in sick instead! |
| I'll
be in later today. I accidentally through away my jewelry, that was
in a zip lock bag, away in the dumpster after I got back from vacation.
I have to try and find it. |
| I
left the windows open in my room all night and when I woke up I had
a stiff neck. I can't coming in today. |
| The
pharmacy is making up some cream for me today - so I won't be in to
work. |
| I
can't come into work today, because the hot water tap broke on the
bathtub. |
| I
can't make it to work today, because the fan belt broke on the van,
the brakes went out, and it has a flat tire. |
| On
my way to work today, my tooth cracked. I'll be going to the dentist. |
| I
won't be into work today because my plane that was going to leave
on Sunday didn't leave until today. |
| My
co-worker once called in this excuse to me and asked me to tell our
supervisor. " I have ants." It was later explained that she had ants
in her basement apartment and had to call an exterminator in. |
| I'm
sorry I was late, I forgot to look at my watch!!! |
| I
can't come in to work today, my sister tripped over the dog, fell
off the porch and broke her wrist. I have to take her to the hospital. |
| I
am unable to come to work today. I tried lifting our baby daughter
out of her crib and twisted my back. |
| An
employee phoned in at 9:00 am with the following. "My sister stole
my money and I am out looking for her." |
| I
can not come to work today because I do not have any shoes.!!! |
| I
lost my car keys skiing and I can't leave until I find them! |
| I
won't be in today. I was up all week-end with this new girl I met
and I didn't get any sleep....if you know what I mean! |
| Last
night a friend I haven't seen in a long time came over and gave me
a bear hug and broke one of my ribs, so I won't be in today. |
| I
am sick with the Lack. Lack of ambition. |
| I
won't be able to make it to work today due to my Aunt flying in from
______________, you see, she has one arm and two pieces of luggage
and really needs me to be there for her. |
| I'm
calling in sick - of working for your company...! |
| I
won't be in today because I can't find my clothes. |
| I
actually used this. It did happen. I was late yesterday because my
cat was alarmed at my sleep-talking and jumped off the bed, knocked
my alarm off the dresser, of which the batteries fell out; And I over
slept. |
| A
friend I hadn't seen for years came round just as I was setting off
for work, I couldn't leave could I? |
| Someone dumped a truck-load of sand in front of my driveway
and I won't be in today. |
| I
will not be into work today because my parents dog died. |
| I
won't be able to come to work next week . Were trying for a baby and
the doc says next week is the best chance. |
| This
one was actually used by one of my employees. "Sorry I did not show
up yesterday, I locked myself in the bathroom." |
| I
have extremely bad diarrhea. I mean REALLY bad. I am stuck in the
house for a LONNNNNNNG time. A *long* time. |
| I
slipped in the shower and torque my knee. I can't walk on it at all. |
| I
sprained my wrist cooking dinner in the microwave last nite. |
| Someone smashed in my windows this morning with a large blunt
object. |
| My
dog is having puppies and I need to help her. |
| There
has been an urgent family emergency, which I can't talk about lest
I endanger any innocent bystanders. (This one could be good for a
few days). |
| Well,
you see, my boyfriend's friend's cousin, her mother is a total flake
and her three kids are getting taken away by CPS and she is going
to jail, and my boyfriend is working, his cousin is out of town and
so you can see that I have to stay home and watch them. |
| Sorry
Boss I can't come into work today...my spirit guide says work is for
losers! |
| My
coworker Wilma Martinez called in and said " The snowplow was stuck
in front of her driveway ". It took three days before they could get
back to tow it away. Chicago January blizzards. She brought in pictures
the next week. |
| Can't
come in today, the springs on the garage door broke and I can't get
the car out cause the door won't open. |
| I
am sorry but I will be unable to come in to work today. My agoraphobia
(fear of leaving the house) is kicking in and I am afraid to drive
today. |
| I'm
not coming to work to day because my computer has got a virus. And
my computer means more to me then this job |
| My
husband had a vasectomy yesterday and his balls are enlarged, so I
need to stay home and help him ice them. |
| A
man I worked with once called in with... "My wife's breasts are sore
after her breast enlargement so I need to stay home and massage her
tits." |
| Yesterday I caught a bad cold while vacationing in Miami, Florida.
Sorry! |
| Actually used and they will know me but it was 15 yrs ago....
my roommates horse overate and he has been walking it since midnight,
I need to walk the horse so it doesn't lay down and die. |
| I
was already at work for this and wanted to leave...Tell the boss I
called home a few minutes ago and gotta go, my girlfriend went out
to sunbathe naked in the back yard and locked herself out of the house
and needs the door opened. |
| I
have a bit of a problem. I got the end of a Q-tip stuck in my ear
and have to go to the doctors to get it out. |
| I'm
not going to work today, I spent my paycheck on lottery tickets, and
I'm out of Gas 'till payday. (actually used by a security guard) |
| I
am not coming in because I tried to dye my hair blonde, but it came
out green! |
| I
am calling in because I do not feel up to par today. |
| I
had missed a lot of work and my boss made me promise I would not be
late, but I woke |
| The
dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet. |
| Constipation has made me a walking time bomb. |
| I
am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Wal-Mart. |
| I
can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss,
who fired me for not showing up for work. OK? |
| When
I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac.
I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it. |
| If
it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices
told me to clean all the guns today. |
| I
can't come into work today because of eye trouble.... I can't see
working today. |
| Hello,
This is, ________ I've used all of my sick days and I'm calling in
dead. |
| Can't
make it in. I have a chance of filling in for someone on jury duty. |
| Excuse
me sir, but I won't be in today. My home is flooded and I'm currently
standing on my dresser in my second story bedroom. Thanks and have
a nice day. |
| I
won't be in today....I'm calling in dead. |
| My
wife is too sick to get out of bed, so I'm staying home to take care
of her. |
| I
can't come to work today because the city is paving my street and
I can't get out! |
| Had
to be rushed to hospital for coffee burns on my lap be in tomorrow! |
| Tom
Robbins says: "any one who goes to work everyday... everyday... IS
sick! so, 'call in well' to work today! |
| I
was stepping down out of my trailer and I missed the step and when
I landed on the ground I messed up my back. |
| My
boyfriend hit me over the head with a speaker and I'm kind of messed
up. |
| My
cat got ran over by a motorcycle and I need to take it to the vet. |
| My
car ran out of gas on the way to work. I was pushing it to a gas station
and I got a stomach hernia and I have to go to the doctors. |
| My
car caught on fire on the way to work so I can't make it in. |
| Last
night we had a party and I woke up with a strange man in my bed! |
| I'm
not coming in because I need a mental day. |
| I
won't be in today. I'm still drunk from last night. |
| I
don't think I'll be in work for awhile. Yesterday I was riding my
son's BMX bike and I fell and broke my ankle it two places and I'm
in the hospital. |
| Last
night in San Francisco I was attacked by a gay guy who didn't like
the remarks I made about him and he hit me in the face and broke the
windshield of my car with a small bat that I tried to hit him with. |
| I
fell off a ladder fixing the roof on my house and I landed on my elbow. |
| I
won't be in today because I have come down with Spring Fever. |
| My
neighbor's daughter got a round hair brush stuck in her hair and I
need to help her get it out. |
|
